The semi-annual finals pep talk!

In the obvious reason of my post, avoiding my finals I'm giving you all the great chance of hearing the positive side of finals believe me they are good!

I know finals are already here and that today might make you dread the rest of the finals you have to come in the next 3 long and crucial days. But the most obvious reason of having finals is that once you are done, you never have to do that class again. No more Chem no more sociology and no more middlechildhood and early adolescence (my personal hate). No you aren't going to fail the class so stop telling yourself this, you'll do just fine. (Well maybe the way the teacher from hell grades you never know) Quit telling everyone that you are going to especially when the people in your class know you're going to throw off the whole curve. If you think about it finishing your final and handing it in is the perfect time for you to do something you normally wouldn't or couldn't have done. You could go up to your professor who you really weren't a fan of and dump your hot chocolate all over him and tell him how he was a douche bag for making you take that test the day after thanksgiving break. Can't do it? Then when you turn in the test say here's your answer key. Too weak in the knees still? If you're still too chicken shit to do that just say thanks professor I'm looking forward to your class in the spring. I personally would like to just kick my middle childhood professor in the junk and walk away but that might get me in jail...

The second best part of finals is that this is your time to finally ask out that guy or girl in your class that was the reason behind you going, not because of the awesome lectures. Go ask that person out what are they going to do? Say no, you're never possibly going to see them again, no harm no foul. Take them out for a finals break drink or something sweet like that. And if all fails and she says no you've got all Christmas break to feel like a dumb ass.

In desperate times, calls for desperate measures. A way to help with you anxiety and sleep deprivation is a chemical boost. Some are better than others. Even I have resorted back to the good old days of drinking my pop and enjoying my caffeine boost for that hour and a half. My monster energy drink seems to be working the best this year. That red bull is going to do you a hell of good if you can't stay awake to study your boring crap. Many say stay away from the alcohol this week but I say why not go for it. This quite possibly could lead to the other form of stress reliever, sexual activity. But don't go too overboard with this one it could cause many problems down the road. Hey maybe it could even be with that cute person from the class mentioned above.

Finally you can really take the challenge intellectually on finals week. Sure you haven't been to class since the first week and you got at D on your midterms....I don't care. You can learn the entire course with 3 dews and a full 24 hour cram before the test. Just think about this one, remember when you were a freshman and thought you had to go to every class. All the test prep you did was definitely less than 24 hours per class. That means for the rest of the time you did jack shit. So if you really are stuck in this situation you've got time. You can do it, but it might help if you have the notes from someone so you have some sort of idea.

So that's it guys remember study with a buddy if you can then, if they are a hot buddy you can go relieve some of your other stresses. Just kidding I don't promote that kind of stuff. I just wrote this since my hand hurt from writing my stupid definitions. Remember Ben and jerry can be you best friend as well as chocolate. Sleep is always a good thing to but remember to set your alarm that would suck!


With all this being said enjoy the worst week of the semester, you'll make it through like the rest of us. Enjoy your break it's less than a week away!

421

This played in my earbuds this morning and it fit everything perfectly....deal with it.

Wildbirds-421
This place unwinds all night in my mind.
Smoke 1, 2 , 3, and never believe in what you did not see.
Ive been fighting while she's in hiding and Im on fire, Im on fire.

Everybody loves you but nobody cares

Phone rings, police, this time they’re for me.
I will return but never forget what you have learned.
Ive been shaking, too much caffeine, still im on fire, Im on fire.


Everybody loves you but nobody cares)

Everybody's dancing, just turn one time for me.
Everybody's singing, just sing one line for me.
Its 421, 4-421.

Everybody loves you but nobody cares

D.L.T.B.K.A.A.G.Y.D

Contrary to my previous blogs some of my former roommates, I repeat SOME appear to still care because they read my blog. (There are former roomies who have responded with concern and wanting to still get together, the ones I was really speaking out to.) However I've come to realize that these certain roomies are not worth my attention. Or me even thinking twice about them. Not only did one of the roommates have an ego large enough to think that it was written all about them, they had the balls to respond to something that she didn't fully understand, which I might add is part of the problem to begin with. she got involved in situations and things that she did not fully understand, therefore this girl would not know the truth if it bite her in the ass. For example this is what one of them has written as an away message in response to my blog.
FYI:we know the truth, no matter how much you exaggerate, lie, and pull out of your butt. you said you were a friend but you weren't because a friend doesn't: lie, break promises, and wreck things that aren't yours. in the end it isn't worth it. open the eyes of your closed mind and see how it really is. then, just maybe, you will see why you can look and wiat, but an invite won't be sent come summer time.
PJ's comment on this whole thing... "all friends have lied, broken promises, and wrecked things, but the difference between a real friend and somone that is not worth a shit is that friends apologize and try to make things better."
As far as the getting invitations to the wedding she obviously doesn't know sarcasm. I wasn't planning on coming even if I was invited anyway. I am not stupid. ultimately it comes down to wanting to be treated with respect, obviously this is not the case. Example on how she is disrespectful, a friend of mine said good game after she lost her last intramural soccer game to my team in the championship game and completely ignored her. That is disrespect right there kids. I guess I was right with the whole fake friend thing, because every interaction since moving out of hell has been nothing but a lie coming from her mouth. I really don't give a crap about this whole situation, I have people around me now that love and care for me screw ups an all. Nobody is perfect no matter how hard you try or act like you are, EVERYONE screws up in life, you deal with it. I know I screwed up but people move on and FORGIVE....
All I know is the 2nd annual Aubrey-fest is going to be one hell of a time, don't worry the invite's in the mail....(that's sarcasm for those certain people who don't get it)

meh

I'm struggling, big time with the fact of my former roommates. Girls I spent a lot of time with, sharing my life with, opening up to, and living with for at least a year, have completely just disappeared. I try to make contact and get in touch but there is nothing back. Then when it comes to the others who have moved on away from each other trying to be together, it happens. What did I do? Why am I the one that seems to be forgotten about? Just because I move out doesn't mean I am not around, I'm still here, heck I'm only 2 blocks away from both of them. It'd be nice to actually get mail sent to my old house like the other one they are friends with. I want to say something but is it really even worth my energy. These girls are fake, do I really want them in my life? I guess not. Oh well I guess there goes my invitations to their weddings this summer.

I'm in a silent point mood and this song is amazing....
Falling upwards again,
Turning to you my friend.
Whenever the sky gets heavy,
Just know that i'll be ready,
To go where you want me to go,
To know what you need me to know.
If ever you need me to know,
Just know that i'll know,
I'll know.

And I wanna be somebodys anything,
And I used to be your something,
But I wanna be my somebodys anything,
Say anything at all.

Fading from falling this time,
And i'm in the back of your mind.
If I hurt would you be so kind,
To tell me

what to do now??

I recently ran upon a friend of mine blog that he wrote. I watched the movie and I don't know what to say, he said it perfectly so read below, watch the movie, and come to the conclusions you want for yourself. Enjoy Jesse's words....

I've just finished watching the recent film Zeitgeist, and I am having to take some deep breaths to compose myself so that I can write this blog in a calm and rational way.

The first thing I want to do is say that I hope we can all agree that there are some very sad and scary events taking place in the world right NOW. Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan... Civil wars and genocide in Africa... Increasing poverty and economic recession as well as decreasing education and health standards in the United States and many other countries.,, And all the while a near constant stream of fear based propaganda is being churned out by major media outlets around the globe.

What is happening? What is it all pointing towards? If you say, "Nothing, it's just human nature to fight" or 'That's the way the world works... Life isn't fair" then most likely you are probably just unaware of events in the past that prove that very often a small group of people are responsible for large scale human events such as war, economic fluctuations, presidential elections, assassinations, as well as the shockingly corrupt creation and manipulation of religious institutions.

However, I don't feel like I can explain this idea as well as the film, so I am literally BEGGING you to watch this movie AS SOON AS POSSIBLE... and then to spread it TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE.

I do want to say that as with anything that someone is telling you, including this blog, this movie should be watched with a degree of skepticism. However, the main point of the film is to encourage independent thinking... and no one should be opposed to that idea.

I am struck right now by this feeling that time is of the essence. I am imagining that I am a citizen of Germany pre-World War II and that I have just been given an outline of the terrible destruction that my patriotic and popular president Adolf Hitler is about to unleash across Europe, and also the ability to do something to stop it.

Never before has there been a time when people can quickly share ideas across the entire planet like they can today. The most important thing right now is the education of the average citizen of whatever country you're in. We need to learn from the tragedies of the past. The drama of a powerful minority controlling and oppressing the uninformed majority has played itself out over and over... usually ending on some small level temporarily by some sort of violent revolution. But right now we have the power to stop the bleak (and unfortunately, totally believable) future that this movie predicts before it happens by raising enough awareness in the general population to prevent the powerful minority from pursuing their selfish, corrupt, and arrogant desires.

Go watch the movie and then check the sources for yourself online and learn how to get involved in the Activism section of the website.

http://zeitgeistmovie.com

Thanks for your time and your optimism and your love.
JrC

Minnesota Amazingness: The Bad times

So I realize that it's been awhile for writing this and I really have a lot of other things I want to write about right now. BUT I am working on finishing things that I start, which I have a tendency not to do. I'm only human right??

Well this is where we left off kids. Leaving the game and moving on....
The game was over and we got the bus over to Dinkytown and went over to Feeney's place. At this point Feeney was already drunk off of his bum and didn't care about anything in the world. We all were pretty tired and didn't want to do much so we just hung out at the apartment all night. Well people got in fights with other people causing drama. Some of the guys decided to go to the frat house while others decided to go on an adventure. There was a trip to Mesa pizza at least 3 times that night. The most amazing pizza I have ever had in my entire life....yum. Well it ended up being a night with the kids that I drove to Minnesota with, great the lovers and pudge. Well the couple decided that they were going to "do stuff" in Feeney's bed. Not asking him or anything, just doing it (no pun intended). Well sign one of disrespect coming from those two. He didn't have any clean sheets either, think about that for a second. Alright now insert your eww here.......
So everyone ended up on the floor sleeping, I didn't fall asleep till 5 because the couple were so friggin' loud. Sign of disrespect numero dos!

We all woke up and I got to go to my favorite coffee shop in the world, CARIBOU COFFEE....start the day out the right way you would think. We get in the car around 1, a little later than most people wanted but heck I was tired and wanted to sleep. We get in the car and the guys all of a sudden made me turn it to the packer game. Don't get me wrong I love the packers and all but listening to it when you are already close to falling asleep isn't good. I couldn't change it in MY OWN car because of them whining so bad. Disrespect number 3. I asked about gas money and they said that they didn't have any...guess who is starting to get mad, this girl.

Well as much as I didn't care, we were going to stop in the Eau C. to see one of my best friends in the entire world, Mr. Matty McFatty. They were going to complain but I love this guy and it is something that I needed. I needed to see an old face and remind me of home because I'm missing it tremendously. I caught up with Matt and it was amazing, I explained the situation and he calmed me down. Thanks Matt, I owe you one. The three of my passengers kept calling me and interrupting me, when I said I would be out when I was done, this was MY time. (Yes I realize I am being selfish here, but you know what I dealt with their crap all weekend it was my time with my best friend). Oh number four on the disrespect scale. We end up leaving earlier than I had planned but seeing my bestest bud was making things a lot better.

Here comes probably the worst part of the whole trip....they all fell asleep and about 20 minutes outside of Wausau the couple in the back seat decides to make out. I see this in my rear view mirror and tell the "love birds" to cut it out. They did for a bit but started back up and kept going at it. At this point I was so mad all I did was turn up Silent Point way loud and try not to see or hear anything. Well didn't work, I STILL heard stuff. They knew I was pissed and they kept going at it, more than just making out, I'd say everything but sex in my guess. Seriously keep it in your pants for a car ride kids. That whole thing went on for about and hour and half and I was ready to pull over and kick them out. I gave them a lot of grace that night and they really should know that is NOT something you do. I ended up calling Feeney asking him what to do and he said get the gas money and talk to High School when he was alone as soon as I could. Guess what, that never happened because his gf was by his side rest of the night. I dropped them off at the house and left angry and now posting.

Moral of the story don't make out in the back of someone's car....hope you all learned a great lesson today. OH yeah and just RESPECT another person and life will be okay. That is all, have a great night.

Minnesota Amazingness: The Fun times pt. 1

So this past weekend was the trip to Minnesota to visit Feeney. I was really excited about a vacation away from work (which is getting crazy). I was going to be taking a few friends of mine that were also friends with Feeney. Ended up that one of them decided to bring their girlfriend, who I had no clue was coming or know. Well things went well, the guys were crazy on the trip there. We had a lot of stops and were going to see my best friend Matty McFatty but we didn't have time. Feeney was throwing a party at his new frat house and we had to be there. It was sponsored by Rockstar energy drink and everything. We had to be there due to the fact that there was a list, yes a list. You had to be on the list in order to get in, I have never ever experienced that. We walked down frat row at the U of M and those buildings were crazy! We get there and the house was huge, and all the guys there were super nice. The party got bigger and bigger probably the biggest party I've been to in forever. There was drama, major drama with the guy and the girlfriend he brought. She ended up crying almost every five minutes, and I got to deal with it, GREAT. We had to stay because Feeney was getting auctioned off and we were going to get him lots of money. We ended up having a girl pay 65 dollars for him, a DKE record. go us. The night winded down around 2 and the guys and I started our walk back to Feeney's place.

Saturday was the day of the football game. Gophers vs. Badgers. Who to cheer for was the major question. So I decided to go with my Wisconsin t-shirt with a Minnesota hoodie. It covered both teams and i wouldn't be getting crap from my friends who I was going to meet up with that were tailgating. Well Feeney was still drunk from the night before and was very interesting. Krev, Pudge, Mike and his girlfriend decided to go right into the dome at watch the kick off. Well I promised my friend Derek from back home I'd meet up with him to say hi. So Feeney, Flunker, BaPauo, Dan and I decided to go on adventure. We walked all around the city trying to find 2nd and 5th where not only my friends were but the rest of the guys friends were as well. It was crazy, I'd never experienced tailgating like I had there. It was crazy. We eventually found the place but not our friends it was packed with so many people. We missed kickoff and decided to head to the metro dome to watch the game.

We got there and were right behind the U of M band, it was crazy awesome. We thought that we might be the only Wisconsin fans but we looked up at the upper deck and it was all Wisconsin fans, to be honest i think there were more Wisconsin fans there than Minnesota fans. the game was close and amazing. Near the end of the game i just happened to look and saw Derek and the guys a few rows down from us. I got to say hi and catch up and made plans to meet up later that night. It was so good to see him. Wisconsin pulled off the win after losing by 10 points the first half to a team that has only won ONE game. It was a great day to be a badger fan.

I have to go to work I will write more when I get home, it hasn't even gotten interesting yet.

Dear Mister Friday,

I knew you wanted something from the bar last night, so I ordered it. But you never came, so I drank it. I made a mix tape with amazing songs for you last night. I knew you ‘d have some requests. And though you never came, I still listened to them and made it.

Today I feel dirty and my hair confused. I’ll have to rock the same socks as yesterday all for the love of you and the game. I can hide my shame under my hat while an old toothbrush takes me back. That’s close enough for jazz and good enough for rock and roll.

It was only a Thursday after all. You didn’t miss anything. I only missed you.

Loveless relationships and lesbian love

My recent observations in life....
My roomie Shell likes to make sexual innuendos without even knowing it.
Coffee shop is an interesting place to watch people.
Coffee shop studying is even better.
You learn a lot of things from people.
Never second guess someone's ability to make your day better or worse.
I will NOT accept the fact that Silent Point is breaking up.
Switchfoot is amazing
Jon Foreman is an crazy cool guy.

(I really just posted this for a few people because of the title, sorry for the randomness)

my heart....right now

So far away from where you are
The miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah I miss you

So far away from where you are
And standing out underneath the stars
And I wish you
Were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah I miss
And I wish you
Were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah I miss you
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the ways the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me

Yeah I miss you
And I wish you
Were here

So far from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah I miss you
Yeah I wish you
Were here

Bumming

This weekend has been one of "those" weekends. It has been a pretty craptacular time. It's getting to the time of the holidays and it's the hardest on me because I won't be with my family. I won't see them on Thanksgiving for the first time in my entire existence, AHHHH. I'll be lucky enough to see them for more than 2 days for Christmas.... I'm also having a tough time with a boy I've been hanging with a lot that is leaving for home soon and pretty much ending our friendship except over the net. Which is cool but sucky not being able to hang out with him. Oh and he's been shady the past couple of days causing me to wonder if the time I've invested in him was really worth it? Who knows.... But as a friend of mine said Thursday night, "it's the really crappy times that help you realize that no matter what you can't feel any worse and it only can get better. Like a hangover, you know you feel crappy now but you also know how awesome you'll feel in 24 hours." I just have to keep reminding myself that there is always a bright side to things. It's just hard when you're in the dark for a long time. Needtobreathe has been on constant playing in my car and headphones....this song has really helped.
Nothing Left To Lose
When my dreams are over
And my feet hit the floor
Is my will enough to move on?
When we fight to get back
The love that we’ve lost
Will my hands be enough to push on?
Tell me will I have enough to go on?

Cause we are alive
We are strong
We can’t watch it go for nothing
Watch until it’s gone
And we are down
But we can choose
We’ve got nothing else to live for
Nothing left to lose

Love is just like a war we can’t win
We can give, we can give, we can give
When we stand in the face of the world falling down
In your hands you hold the pen
What’s your answer for the end?

Cause we are alive
We are strong
We can’t watch it go for nothing
Watch until it’s gone
And we are down
But we can choose
We’ve got nothing else to live for
Nothing left to lose

Oh, Oh, I’ve got nothing left
Nothing left to lose
Oh, Oh, I’ve got nothing left
Nothing left to lose

When there’s nothing that we can’t afford to sacrifice
There’s no way they can put out your fire
There’s no way they can put out my fire

Cause we are alive
We are strong
We can’t watch it go for nothing
Watch until it’s gone
And we are down
But we can choose
We’ve got nothing else to live for
Nothing left to lose

Oh, Oh, I’ve got nothing left
Nothing left to lose
Oh, Oh, I’ve got nothing left
Nothing left to lose

Awesomeness

A friend of mine just sent me this about how he feels about a girl he likes. It's amazing!! If I could find a guy that feels this towards me one that, man that'd be amazing. It gives me hope for me finding some guy out there that wants this....enjoy

I've watched her for the past three years and cherished every moment of it. Yes, even the times when I was dating Jessie...I know that sounds horrible, but honestly i would do anything to see this girl smile.

I want to be the guy who says, "yeah, you're hormones are crazy but I want you to know that I won't take advantage of that. I CAN wait for you."

I want to be the guy that wakes up next to her every morning to tell her she's beautiful when she thinks she looks like crap; not because I want her to feel better, but because I genuinely believe that she is.

I want to be the guy who is never too busy to drive across an entire state just to see her.

I want to be the guy that spends the night in the chair next to her hospital bed because she fell off the stage on her opening night and broke her ankle.

I want to be the guy that buys her flowers just because.

I want to be the guy that tells her I would die for her, because I really truly would.

I want to be the guy that tells her I would live for her, because I really truly would.

I want to be the guy who is willing to hang out with her and her girlfriends if she wants, and not be ashamed to tell my buddies that I can't go out with them because I'm having a girl's night in and I'm not whipped, I just love her.

I want to be the guy that's never afraid to cry in front of her, cause I want her to know that I'm vulnerable too. That I can be weak and that I do need her to go on.

I want to be the guy who she can always cry in front of, because she knows I'm never gonna view her as anything other than what she is: perfect

I want to be the guy who she holds hands with....and never wants to let go.

I want to be the guy who she kisses, means it with every bone in her body, and knows that I feel EXACTLY THE SAME WAY.

I want to be the guy she needs a hug from when she has a bad day.

I want to be the guy that hugs her for no apparent reason at all, except that I love her.

I want to be the guy who calls her to make sure she got home safe.

I want to be the guy who parks outside her house, tells her i love her and goodnight, wait for her to reach the door, and then call her to tell her i love her and goodnight one more time.

I want to be the guy that waits for hours on end just to see her for ten minutes.

I want to be the guy that she NEEDS to cuddle with to be happy.

i want to be the guy who tells her all my secrets. good and bad.

i want to be the guy who tries to show her how much i care through every word and every breath.

i want to be the guy who she looks at and thinks with hope in her heart, he is the one. cause that's how i think about her.

i want to be the guy that never laughs at her when she tells me her dreams, but does everything in my power possible to help her achieve those dreams.

i want to be the guy who walks to the car and opens the door for her, cause i want her to see that i really do respect her.

i want to be the guy that gave her my heart.

i want to be the guy that prays every night for her happiness, even if it means not being with me. and if it doesn't work out between us, i want to be the guy that's in the front row at her wedding wearing the biggest smile and clapping the loudest because my love is finally happy beyond all reason.

i want to be that guy. i want to be HER guy.

Friend ship...have you missed the boat?

So my trip to North Carolina was amazing. The Maroon 5 concert was even more amazing...more to come on that in a later blog. Tonight I have something to get off my mind. Oh and I haven't forgotten about my family

Right now on the top of my mind is friends. I reconnected with a friend recently. I'm struggling with this, to be honest. I'm not sure that I want to be friends with this person. I right now am at the point in my life that I need friends there for me and are worth investing time in. These friends are the ones who are willing to invest their own time in me. It's a two way street. Not someone who is going to take being friends with me lightly. This might be too much to ask from a person, but maybe it's not. I know that it's getting to the time in many of my friends lives where you have to actively try to be friends with someone. I have enough people who I just say hi to, I really don't need anymore. Maybe it's me, but I don't think I need another person in my life that I just say hi to. I want someone who cares enough to know how I really am doing, and ask because they want to know. I don't think I'm willing to invest time into something on the just hi level. Maybe this reconnection isn't right and I should have left it where it was....
Right now I'm happy with the people who love and care about me, I don't need another surface stuff friend. Maybe I should jump the ship on this one and swim for shore.

Life as a yellow pen

If I were a yellow pen life would suck because who uses a yellow pen....
Life was awesome today, yup it was great even with all the craptacular classes why...read the following and understand if you can.

• I got to talk to Leah finally after many failed attempts
• I got a B on the essay exam that I thought I failed (I also can take the next one if I want to get a better grade)
• It was my parents 25th wedding anniversary...big hand to them without that major point in their lives, I would be non-existent which would suck.
• I have come up with good code names the cowboy, the greek, and the geek.
  
• Food is always better when shared with another especially when the food can feed a small country in africa
• I made plans to go visit Mr. Feeney's in Minnesota and guess what I get to go to, my first college football game. Wisconsin vs. Minnesota who shall I cheer for??
• It's cold outside which means it's FALL yippeee
• Someone isn't dead and is back in my life. It just makes me smile
  
• Rooftop dancing might be a common thing in the 2nd floor of the house
  
• Speical K and I got to chat for a bit but it was disconnected and never reconnected but that's life
  
• I unexpectedly got to go on a dream quest and not only dream it but see it achieved all in the same night.....yes
  
• Can you name 5 characters of the office with the first and last names? I know someone who can and he's kind of cute, hehe
  
• The smile has returned on my face but do we know who the girl in the phone is??? It will be determined tomorrow (hopefully)
  
• I love my wall sharing roomie, it's a blast.
  
• Singing Butch Walker, Jon McLaughlin, Jason Mraz, Rooney and Maroon 5 enough said
  
• I tried the whole nun thing for about 5 seconds definitely not my thing. Check that one off the list.
  
• Blasting Maroon 5 while on the phone and going through a speed sign thing and talking to someone in the car is always fun...I highly recommend it.
  

that is all I'll get back to the family I promise I have 7 days to cover four more people no worries at all. Oh and HAPPY 25th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD!!! Love you lots!

****Please notice the break in story of my family and why they rock, life has sort of rocked my socks and is worth mentioning****

My friends from back home are great. They're the ones who have helped shape me to who I am and change me. They've been there through tough times and really great times. But it's the worst when you lose a friendship that you've invested not only time, I'm talking years wait almost a decade, but your heart as well. When I was little in kindergarten there was the troublesome three. It was Johnny, Mike, and I. I was one of the guys and it was constantly who was going to bike to whose house to play basketball, NFL blitz you name it. We even at one point calculated the best route to each house. Being that I was only 5 blocks away from both Mike and Johnny and the center point, it was usually my house we would end up at. We even got the hanging out timed for when we were in middle school and in many activities. Wednesday being the church day we didn't have any activities, the guys would get off the bus at my house and we'd play NFL blitz until we'd have to go to whatever church function was going on that night. It moved on into high school although we actually had a few bumps we at least tried to stay in contact. Johnny and Mike didn't hang out as much but I was still friends with both of them. Mike ran in to a tough situation around his senior year and being that we were best friends he ended up moving into my house. It was great like a slumber party every night and he moved up from the friend status to the brother status. He was someone who I depended on and counted on. For some reason there was a falling out and ending up being some very hard dislike towards each other. It sucked big time especially when it was the year in school that was supposed to be the best.

Fast forward to now. I've been thinking about writing to Mike for awhile now trying to just mend what was broken and make things better. Well for some reason something would stop me. But after doing a lot of soul searching and thinking about it I decided to send him a message. Just having closure and not expecting anything more. But for some reason life decided to have a message sent back. My thoughts on the friendship we had were confirmed. Knowing that you were there for someone and the one they counted on is great. Hearing an apology for the hurt and pain makes it better. Mike said it best, "We definately were really good friends and its too bad things ended the way they did. You don't need to appologize though. I don't think it was either of our faults. We both just forgot how to forgive." It brings a smile to my face just thinking about the rebuilding of a lost friendship with Mike. I may have missed out on 4 years of his life but who says you can't start it back up. I have a feeling this is going to be a good thing.

How to forgive, something I wouldn't have even considered. Maybe there needs to be more forgiveness in the world, I think it would be the one thing that could make the world a better place. I know it would help not only me but many other people out with their stresses and problems in life. I know it's hard to right away but once you give it a little time and forgive you're able to move on from the hurt and the pain. So starting right now I'm going to work on forgiving people for not only my faults but also theirs. Consider it my campaign for forgiveness.

Alright back to the family love next time, and Jay wants YOU to be ready for the action!

Ian the F'n genius

"After a girl is grown, her little brothers - now her protectors - seem like big brothers." ~Astrid Alauda

Since the countdown is now at 9 days till I get to fly south for winter (or at least 5 days) I've decided to write about how much each family member means the world to me. Today I've decided to work my way down the sibling tree....it's all about Ian today kids.

Ian is my little brother who I adore more than he knows. He's a genius, I'll be the first to admit it. I'm kind of jealous of it. He and I didn't get along when we were younger due to many factors, being 5 years apart, favoritism, and just different views. But as we both have gotten older and grown up we've gotten much closer. He still is a stubborn jerk at times on things but that's what is great about him. He lives in a black and white world when his sister is loving shades of gray. He helps me know when I'm being a complete idiot. Most recently with an ex of mine. Yes Ian you were right, I shouldn't even have thought about it. He used to be quiet but he's growing into his own voice. I usually have the come backs but man I obviously haven't been practicing like he has, some of them really get me, as much as I hate to admit it. He has had a really rough time since moving down to Greensboro and it breaks my heart to see him go through it. I know that it's only going to make him a better person in the long run but he doesn't see that right now. At least him and I have our secret spot that we can go to, just the two of us and try to enjoy the place he's gotten to hate.

Now time for me to brag about him...
Ian at 16 is already taking Chemistry, Calculus and Spanish at an actual college. His PSAT scores right now get him into Duke, yeah Duke the private school just down the road. His friends and him from kindergarten have created this RPG game (if I knew exactly what that was I could be more excited). This game has been getting a lot of hype on the internet and even has been invited to conferences in New York City where the big game people are like EA games and all those....if you're a gamer you know how huge this is. Ian has gone through a lot of tough things that nobody should go through ever in their lives. He's dealt with things at 5 years old that I wouldn't be able to handle, I have major respect for him. I can't explain how amazing he is. He is very creative and his writings, ideas, and drawings blow my mind each time I see them. Each day is something new and I can't believe the person he's growing into and can only imagine the effect he's going to have on the world. I've always said I can't wait for him to grow up and be able to talk about stuff together, well the time has come and I'm finally realizing it. Here's an insight to his genius factor written by himself...."I remember the idea not the hero because heroes fall but ideas never die."

I love Ian for many reason and it's awesome to know I've got a little big brother out there who has my back even if I'm not the brightest at times. The bond between us is amazing. I'm glad to call him not only my brother but my friend as well. He's one of the best a sister could get. I also am really hoping that genius part is somewhere in my mind buried deep. I love you Ian!!
Next installment will be about the next brother.....Jay Paul, here's a sneak preview of him and what's to come.




Be Prepared!!

As most of you know, I'm not a runner. I'll be the first to admit that but tonight at 12:30 at night I decided I wanted to go for a run. Yes I know it may not have been the smartest decision I've made but I felt like I just need to let my feelings out on the pavement and run. (I know you all can write to me later about my ill decision to go out late at night by myself in a neighborhood that's not well lit)


As I ran I thought about a lot of things in my life that have been going on. I just let it out and ran.... It was a beautiful night out, I just let the moon and the stars light my way.

I've never had so many emotions run through my mind in the 30 minutes I was out there. I thought about the wonderful friends I have in my life and it made me smile. I prayed tons while I was running be it for me, my friends, or just thanks for the blessings I have in my life. I also cried, I have never ever cried while running, it was weird to do. I cried about things in my life that I have lost; be it a friendship with Nich or my family moving so far away from me. But once I got it out I made a choice to leave it behind on the road I was taking one step at a time and not to look back. I think when people are dealing with hurt and pain in their lives they let it fester. It's like we have this scar that we keep reopening because we don't know what to do without that constant pain in our lives. It takes a conscious decision to let that scar and pain finally heal over and move on and say, "yeah I was hurt but look at me now, I've learned and become a better person because of it." It shows that I'm human just like the rest of the world. sometimes life leaves you with some pretty cool scars that you're able to share with others down the road.

It was a good time to just process this fast paced world that I've been living in to just

b r e a t h e

I love the fact that it's getting colder outside. The hooded sweatshirts and comfort are so nice to bring back to my everyday life. That cool crispness of fall is my favorite time of year, especially with the colors of the trees changing. It means it's the end to something, and someone once said to have an end to something brings a beginning to another, the end is really where we start from. Life is like the open road I kept running on. We can either decide to keep going on a road to a uncertain future that gives hope and opportunity or go back to our comfort zone. I for one would like to think I'm going forward on this road of life.

I think I'll be taking late night runs more often, although my body may not be thanking me for it tomorrow. Maybe it'll just be late night walks.....

Amazing..."I know right?!?"

My life the past two weeks have been amazing. Life has been great, I've met an awesome guy, had a blast with good friends, and enjoyed a silent point concert at least once a week. It's great to see the guys up there rockin' and loving it. Amazing. I've been busy with class and work along with having fun to even think of taking time to write in here. You know how sometimes song lyrics just fit your life perfectly? Well tonight on the drive home from the silent point concert there was some songs that were on in my car that made complete sense to me and things in my life. It's been rough with a good friend well former friend of mine and it's finally over now...may be for the better but may be for the worse who knows, only time will tell. But these lyrics really make sense to me. (even if they are by my favorite band)

It's so easy to see dysfunction between you and me. We must free up these tired souls before the sadness kills us both. I tried and tried to let you know, I love you but I'm letting go. It may not last but I don't know, just don't know. If you don't know, then you can't care. And you show up but you're not there. Everyday, with every worthless word we get more far away. The distance between us makes it so hard to stay, but nothing last forever but be honest babe it hurts but it's the only way. Tough we have not hit the ground. It doesn't mean we're not still falling. Oh I want so bad to pick you up but you're still too reluctant to accept my help. What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame.

I still don't have the reason and you don't have the time and it really makes me wonder if I ever gave a f**k about you. And so this is goodbye. Give me something to believe in cause I don't believe in you anymore. I wonder if it even makes a difference, it even makes a difference to try. And you told me how you're feeling but I don't believe it's true anymore. I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry. Oh no, so this is goodbye...

Oh i'm moving on, don't you love how the best things for you kill the most, kill the most. But as strange as it seems I feel alright, I've got people to see. Optimistically speaking I think I'm gonna be alright......

I hope all is well with your life, if you miss me in your life maybe you should give me a call and say hey and we can catch up!

Love YOU lots, yes you!
-Aubs
----------------
Now playing: Silent Point - As Strange As It Seems
via FoxyTunes

*~*~* Tired of this all

For those of you who read that last post it's been deleted. People who read it and were mistaken it was about them I'm sorry it's not. Like I said it's only a handful of people. It's been a crazy past 3 days with working constantly and not even being able to think, so forgive me. so if you still think you need to talk to me do it.

"i'm letting you write your own story- so choose your words carefully."

Is it too much??

Is it too much to ask for a friend to care about you? Not just care about you but care enough about you where they are digging deep into your life and wanting to know everything about you. Be it the scar on you arm, the pain you've dealt with, struggles and achievements you've made. I'm thinking that life is tough, and especially this point. Maybe I'm making it harder on myself than I have to. I need to let go and realize that some people aren't meant to be in my life just as much as I am not suppose to be in theirs. I've been feeling secondary to a lot of people I call "friends" and I hate it. I want to just get on my roof and scream because of the hurt that it causes. As much as I don't let it show how it things sometime affect me, they really do. I analyze everything and anything that is done. It usually ends up making me think that it's something that is wrong with me.

Sometimes a girl just needs her mom, I miss her. I miss the unconditional love that I always will have with Rick LaNay Ian and Jay, you can't find that on a store shelf or from some convenient store on a corner. It's not that easy. I was to see that tooth grin from a brother who thinks I'm the most amazing thing in the world. I want to get picked on for being stupid in decision by another one. I want to be able to make fun of my dad for being so dense when it comes to humor. I want to get in a car with my mom and just talk about anything and be free with no worries. It's to the point of where I am thinking of throwing away 3 years of hard work and transfer down to north carolina. I've tried it here for over a year and I'm to the point of throwing in the towel. I did my best but it's not enough sometimes, it seems to be one of those times.

I know I'll get through this, I always do but it sucks. I want to be able to make it through a day not wondering what I did wrong to be forgotten by friends who I have shown so much love to. It makes me feeling worthless and like there is something wrong with me.

Everyone wants to be loved.

I don't even....

have time to breathe.....

Here's the deal, got in a car accident and have to go to physical therapy and chiropractor 3 times a week. I am putting in about 30 plus hours at my job which I love again. Being back to best buy was one of the greatest things. Love it, and I'm totally rock staring it out, and definitely showing that I was worth keeping. But doing that and being on my feet all day sucks. I've also been called to nanny on days I'm not at best buy. This is something that is not going to happen much more, those children are the devil and I despise them. So when I'm not working I'm sleeping and when I'm not sleeping I'm working. good thing I love the people I work with. Only thing is.... I need new shoes I've worn my old ones out from american eagle and they don't make them anymore. and I need another pair of khaki pants. I guess that pay check that is coming on friday will be huge. gotta go get some sleep. I'll write when things cool down a bit.

Things that go Meow in the night

So this is all I have to do to explain our night.....At least the end of it

Auto Response from Abe (3:32:22 AM): The result of the Adventure Aubrey took was that I had a damn cat sitting outside my window until 3 am... if its still there in the am, im going to be pissed.....

---

Aubs (3:32:18 AM): it wasn't just me!!

Aubs (3:32:22 AM): shell was involved too!!

Abe (3:33:08 AM): Im not mad at you guys Im mad at the damn cat

Aubs(3:33:11 AM): go out kick it

---

Auto Response from abe (3:33:26 AM): The result of the Adventure Aubrey took was that I had a damn cat sitting outside my window until 3 am... if its still there in the am, im going to be pissed.....

---

aubs(3:3:35 AM): i bet it'll follow reid in the morning

abe(3:33:51 AM): it would probably whine louder

abe (3:33:57 AM): good

aubs (3:33:51 AM): kick it then it'll know it's place in the world

aubs(3:35:38 AM): I'll pick it up and put it in reid's truck

aubs(3:35:43 AM): he's got kitty litter in there

abe (3:36:10 AM): sick

---

Auto Response from aubs (3:35:57 AM): What a wonderful adventure.
-Fun at a laundry mat
-taco bell reunion with tons of people
-beef's grape peace offering/play time
and
-a newly discovered cat that roams the neighborhood which we named Tuna
-after 4 hours she's still sitting outside our house meowing for abes attention.

Wonder what wonderful things are instore for tomorrow.

---

Aubs (3:36:09 AM): she still going?

abe (3:36:38 AM): nope

aubs (3:36:29 AM): good

abe (3:36:45 AM): I think it likes your voice

UNC Soccerchic14 (3:36:32 AM): we won't come down

abe (3:37:01 AM): thanks it started agian

aubs(3:36:55 AM): how?

abe(3:37:36 AM): when you talked

abe(3:37:41 AM): it meowed

abe(3:37:52 AM): and when you laughed it started again

aubs(3:38:08 AM): shell's taunting her out my window

abe(3:38:41 AM): great

aubs (3:38:39 AM): this is rather hilarious

aubs (3:38:42 AM): if you think about it

abe (3:39:02 AM): yeah for you

Aubs (3:38:59 AM): put on music

Aubs (3:39:10 AM): or go back to the kicking resort

Aubs (3:39:20 AM): i'm giving you all these options and you're not taking any of them

Abe (3:39:39 AM): 15 more minutes and I will kick it

UNC Soccerchic14 (3:39:35 AM): oh my god seriously?

abe (3:40:12 AM): definately going to happen

aubs (3:40:17 AM): where is your video camera i need to document this for sure then!

aubs(3:40:29 AM): i'll put twenty bucks that after you kick her away she'll come back for you to pet her

abe (3:41:16 AM): god i wouldnt doubt it

aubs(3:41:14 AM): shell and i aren't speaking or laughing anymore for your meowing safety

abe (3:42:00 AM): nice move

aubs (3:42:14 AM): is it helping?

abe(3:42:41 AM): not really

aubs (3:44:12 AM): you've got 10 more minutes and you can kick it to the curb

aubs (3:45:04 AM): but if you think about it

aubs (3:45:11 AM): shell has the bullfrogs all the time

aubs(3:45:17 AM): she can't go and kick them, so consider yourself lucky

abe (3:45:40 AM): oh I do

abe (3:46:02 AM): at least I have inexpensive options

aubs(3:45:53 AM): as in?

aubs(3:46:34 AM): shell (3:41:11 AM): Don't get caught by animal control.
Shell (3:41:39 AM): I don't want it in the news that there is someone on a killer cat kicking spree.

abe (3:46:50 AM): well shed probably have to use some sort of expensive chemical to get rid of them in the pond so

abe (3:48:11 AM): I like how theres 900 pictures of the cat that A: isnt ours, and B: was played with for all of 5 minutes

abe(3:48:19 AM): no

aubs (3:48:19 AM): ABE stop I can't laugh she'll start going at the meowing again

abe(3:48:58 AM): yeh i know

aubs (3:48:58 AM): but she followed us home

aubs (3:49:06 AM): and was at our window meowing in the first place

aubs(3:49:19 AM): ummm did you forget about the 48 hour rule

aubs (3:49:25 AM): we're already done with 5 of those hours

abe(3:49:55 AM): only applies to things inside the house

aubs (3:50:00 AM): well technically she is on the porch that could be considered inside the house

aubs (3:51:29 AM): but there are already two upstairs

abe(3:51:55 AM): damn

aubs(3:51:44 AM): Shell (3:51:10 AM): She likes salami.
Shell(3:51:20 AM): We should try pickels. Maybe she's the pickle culprit.
abe (3:52:05 AM): forgot about that kind

aubs(3:52:12 AM): yeah good job

abe(3:52:30 AM): Reid would never know if she was

abe (3:52:40 AM): she only comes by at night when she wants some

Mean while on the 2nd floor with the girls this conversation with the roomie shell was going on as well....

Auto Response from Shell (3:41:00 AM): Aubs: What a wonderful adventure.
-Fun at a laundry mat
-taco bell reunion with tons of people
-beef's grape peace offering/play time
and
-a newly discovered cat that roams the neighborhood which we named Tuna
-after 4 hours she's still sitting outside our house meowing for abes attention.

Wonder what wonderful things are instore for tomorrow.

Abe: The result of the Adventure Aubrey took was that I had a damn cat sitting outside my window until 3 am... if its still there in the am, im going to be pissed.....

Me:

---

shell (3:41:11 AM): Don't get caught by animal control.

Shell (3:41:39 AM): I don't want it in the news that there is someone on a killer cat kicking spree.

Aubs (3:41:36 AM): i can't laugh you jerk!

Shell(3:41:59 AM): Im sorry.

Shell (3:42:01 AM): Why not?

aubs (3:42:04 AM): abe (3:41:16 AM): god i wouldnt doubt it
aubs (3:41:14 AM): shell and i aren't speaking or laughing anymore for your meowing safety
abe (3:42:00 AM): nice move

shell (3:42:27 AM): HAHAHHAHA.

shell (3:42:31 AM): Yeah, good luck with that.

shell (3:42:36 AM): Let me go call out to pussy again.

Shell (3:42:41 AM): Here pussy pussy Tuna!

aubs (3:42:29 AM): okay

shell (3:42:44 AM): Oh hell yes.

aubs(3:42:33 AM): do it i dare you!

Shell (3:44:06 AM): And I did take the dare, for the record.

Shell (3:44:09 AM): I'm sure Abe loved it.

Aubs (3:44:24 AM): he's to the point of ignoring it I guess

Aubs(3:44:37 AM): but she's still going and it's t-minus 10 minutes till the kicking

Shell(3:44:58 AM): HAHAHHAHAHa.

Shell (3:45:04 AM): I cant hear her from in here.

Shell (3:45:06 AM): I got the bullfrogs.

Shell (3:45:08 AM): Fuckin' frogs.

Shell (3:45:14 AM): At least no one can really egg them bitches on.

shell (3:46:38 AM): Bitch.

aubs (3:46:43 AM): what?

shell (3:47:05 AM): He's lucky.

shell (3:47:09 AM): Not you btw.

shell (3:47:11 AM): Duh.
Shell (3:47:12 AM): You're my lover.

Shell (3:47:14 AM): Silly.

aubs (3:47:02 AM): oh okay

shell (3:48:26 AM): What/!?!??!

aubs (3:48:30 AM): abe(3:48:11 AM): I like how theres 900 pictures of the cat that A: isnt ours, and B: was played with for all of 5 minutes

Shell (3:49:09 AM): Psh, it's Tuna.

shell (3:49:14 AM): It's our adopted kitty.

shelL (3:49:17 AM): 48 hour rule!

aubs(3:50:10 AM): aubs3:49:19 AM): ummm did you forget about the 48 hour rule
abe (3:49:55 AM): only applies to things inside the house
aubs(3:50:00 AM): well technically she is on the porch that could be considered inside the house

shell (3:51:00 AM): HAHAHHAHAh.

shell (3:51:04 AM): We already have kitty litter.

shell (3:51:10 AM): She likes salami.

shell (3:51:20 AM): We should try pickels. Maybe she's the pickle culpit.

shell (3:52:47 AM): Hey, maybe we can throw pussy in the pond to catch bullfrogs.

abe (3:53:32 AM): ooooo good idea

shell (3:54:02 AM): Well, she'd be gone if Abe did it for sure.

shell (3:54:09 AM): I'm sure she wont' come back if he did that.

shell (3:54:14 AM): Although it is mean.

aubs (3:54:49 AM): did what?

shell (3:55:17 AM): Threw her into the pond

Needless to say *****there were no cats harmed in this whole situation****** but how ever there was much laughter and sleep lost by certain people in the house. As I write right now there is a faint meowing I can hear while trying to get to sleep, I have a feeling we've gained a new house pet that lives on our porch. More updates on Tuna our new roomie on the porch soon.

Loves and hugs
Aubs