Fix you

When you get what you want but not what you need

I almost had the moment of break down today in the car. Not something that I was thinking would happen, something I wasn't going to allow myself to happen. Then this song came on....

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

It felt like it God was speaking to me through this song. I know people think that can be crazy but I believe it. The song works in so many ways.

And the tears come streaming down your face

I haven't allowed myself to grieve the loss that is going to happen in a few days. I guess I feel like I'm stronger than what I'm losing, but I don't think I am anymore. I am really going to miss this place and especially the people in it.

When you lose something that you can't replace

I am losing friends that nobody will be able to replace in North Carolina. Friends I have known for a lifetime or just a few months. These are people who have changed me drastically and are a part of my every day life. I don't know if I can handle not having them in it every day.

when you love someone and it goes to waste...could it be worse?

And what about this "situation" that was put in front of me. This boy is amazing and really we just work. Why is this something that is going to go to waste. I feel like there is something amazing between us but it's not going to have its full potential 16 hours apart from each other.

Lights will guide you home
But if you never try you'll never know

I guess I'm going to have to learn. Without leaving I will never know how it's going to be when everyone else gets their wings and moves on. It's something that you have to try to know and this is a big try to find out.

just what you're worth
Tears streaming

I haven't cried yet but I know it's coming and it's going to be big. I'm prepared for it but I don't know when it's going to happen....

down your face
Lights will guide you home....

Exactly what is going to happen on Monday. I'm thinking of all the lights on the highway and the cities and the lights of my house in North Carolina staying on waiting for me. it's what is ultimately going to guide me home.

Gosh this sucks, big time.