Numb is the new deep

Things that I know for sure....
-I am not good at Halo
-I am going to have to take a test tomorrow
-I need to study
-I'm not good enough for full time yet
-Guys and their video games are jerks....it's really frustrating.
-Boys who act like your friend and ditch you in a second for a possible hook up are not nice guys
-I really miss everyone back in Wisconsin...badly....like extremely bad. I'm sick of being made fun of for the way I talk, where I'm from, etc. If you haven't been there you can't say a thing about it. Why hate on something when you haven't even experienced it???
-I am frustrated

Things I can change
-Sucking at Halo and get better
-Stop being frustrated and realize that life isn't worth this.
-Studying for the test....so I'm off to study and pass this driving test tomorrow.

"Cause ever since I tried
Trying not to find
Every little meaning in my life
It's been fine
I've been cool
With my new golden rule

Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
And talk is the same cheap it's been....

Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
I'm over the analyzing
Tonight

Stop trying to figure it out
(you try to figure, you try to figure it out)
It will only bring you down"

Thanks John Mayer, you gave me a reason to feel better

Today was running around helping out Linda and Natalie get everything together for their very sudden move. I'm exhausted and gross. I have to go to a work meeting at 10 am tomorrow and then work 1 to 7....this should be fun.

So I tried the whole online playing halo with the boys and I sucked...big time. I got 10 kills in one game, that's about it. Day off tomorrow wahoo!!!! I'm tired and ready for bed. I'll actually write tomorrow when I get a chance.

I got the JETTA!!! No more ASTRO VAN!! Time to get to the DMV tomorrow morning to get the licence in NC.

i just should sign the papers and be done with it....gosh I need a new car as much as my parents think it's a want. Totally sick of the astro van. Sleepy and rocked at bowling.

All i want is a car that isn't a giant tank that i get made fun of ALL the time for. I hope to God and pray that tomorrow will be the day that my dad says that it's an all go on the car. I fell in love with it and now I just need him to co-sign on it to get a good rate....oh man tomorrow might be good or bad.

Great day with great friends, simple as that. Grilling out isn't the same down here that is for sure. I'm exhausted and need to get some sleep and try to shake this migraine off.

Beauty all over

"The ugly world needs more beauty like you."
This was written on the bathroom stall in Chicago and Rachel took a picture. It's so true and so inspiring. Sometimes the world isn't always pretty but being you in a world that is ugly and sad brings beauty into it. It gives me hope that there is more to this human race than selfish self consumed people. So smile when you can. Laugh when you want to. Love ALWAYS.

It's a weird thing to think about life and how things happen. Today was interesting to say the least. My mom is having some issues with her legs and went to the doctor, they don't know what it is....like always. They say that it's something with her nerves but I have a feeling it might be something more in her brain. It's scary, I hope it's not something with her cancer progressing. I also went to work for 4 and half hours that is a JOKE.

I got a voicemail from Jess saying that we needed to talk about her life and what I have missed. The bomb was dropped there. I love her to death and I wish I could be there to help her through all the crazy things running through her head. Because I know they are. Why does the world have a way of playing things out like they do...the break up and now this? No matter what she decides to do I will love her because that's what friends do. (Hear that Jess I will LOVE YOU no matter what!) I might be booking a plane ticket to GB soon just to be the friend that I am for her. Jay misses Ian being around I can tell he's sleeping in my bed as I write this. It's kind of cute but it's the reality we are going to be facing in less than 3 months when he goes to college.

The ugly world needs more beauty like you. Remember to smile, love, and laugh life is to short to be anything but happy. Love you all

It's your fault now

Today was a very good day. I had fun getting to know people in my life. I spent most of the day hanging out with a friend Andrew from work looking at cars, grabbing a bite to eat, talking about life, and not getting his phone fixed. It was interesting to see life from his perspective, especially with life down here. I guess I'm going to have to learn that things aren't as easy as they are in Wisconsin. Racism is still around and it's apparent here. I think this is crazy. What was even more crazy is that he hung out with my parents for awhile.....who does that!?!? But it was cool.

Ian left today for Wisconsin, I'm jealous. I wish I could be there with him but I can't. Rachel came over tonight too for her birthday dinner and presents. I tried watching hot fuzz with her but I just crashed and as much as I tried I couldn't keep my eyes open. We went to eat at Elizabeth's pizza and a random trip to wal-mart. i guess it's the place to be after 11 pm at night, it was packed!!

Congratulations Ian you worked very hard to get where you are now!!

what an exhausting day...Ian's graudation, a migraine, and work whew I need to sleep. Car shopping tomorrow. Pretty sure I found my car...it's very cute and cheap.

Car Shopping Day 2

So today we looked at Toyota's and Hyundai's and I found a wonderful car that is under 10,000 brand new with everything I'm looking for BUT it's a stick shift...I can't drive a stick shift. I don't want to learn on my new car because that would just not be fun....we'll see hopefully it'll work out. Ian's big day is tomorrow and he graduates from high school with 64 college credits. How crazy is that?! I need to sleep I'm starting to get some pretty nasty migraines and haven't been doing anything but push through them recently. Hopefully it'll be better tomorrow.

I'm tired

I went car shopping today. I really liked a car but they wouldn't take the astro van in at what it's worth. I also found a two really cute Jetta's but I didn't like it as much as the Honda that I found....boo I'm tired I took Lucy to the dog park not once but twice today we both are exhausted.

So there was an outage yesterday and I wasn't able to post my blog and it really frustrated me...so I'm going to do a double post today. It's my day off and I'm taking Lucy to the dog park, this should be interesting.

I'm never good enough....one day someone will find me and realize that I'm the person they are looking for.

NASCAR...wow

Short story on why I have started to like NASCAR. It's all about cheering for the underdog. I like it you want the person in first place not to be there, and you're cheering that the cars behind the first place guy will win. I never would have thought there is actual fun involved with this but after experiencing it live in person, there is. I like the fact that all the drunk red necks think standing in a crowd of hundreds screaming at the car to go faster is going to make a difference. There will be more on this story later but I'm exhausted and haven't had much sleep the past two days. Sweet dreams everyone.

mmmm.....sleep

I'm going to my first and probably last nascar race tomorrow. I won free tickets for myself and 3 other people. We'll be going to Charlotte tomorrow to experience the craziness of what this "sport" is. Morning meeting at 7am tomorrow it's going to be a blasty blast. Night everyone.

weirdness

So today I slept until around 3...3 in the afternoon. Not good but I was exhausted! I had to work today and miss the finale of Grey's anatomy. I wish I could see it online now but that's not going to happen. Interesting thing from tonight is that I'm possibly going to win tickets to a nascar race in Charlotte on Saturday. I didn't know nascar was a big thing but i guess it is here. If I do win them, man will it be an interesting experience.

I'm not sure what to do about B. I'm so hurt by things that he's done and said that I'm not sure I can move past that point. I got a message from him like everything was okay with the two of us tonight. I need time and I need to talk to him in person and let him know what he has done to me. It's not fair for me to be quiet and just be here for him when he feels it is convenient. It's weird seeing the things that he has left behind. Memories of the past. Now what to do tomorrow....so conflicted and so unsure of what this really is.

Peace and love to you all, I'm heading to bed.

It's amazing how you can go with no sleep and still not be tired right at this moment...caffeine does wonders! I'm exhausted and surprised I made it this far with out crashing hard. I'm going to sleep for a very long time!

locking your keys in your car when you're an hour away from the spare set is not fun....I need to sleep I have to open up the store tomorrow and it's 3 am.

Grey's Anatomy was so sad. They get me every time...I'm exhausted and have to open the store tomorrow. So yeah...it's been a crazy past weekend. It's been a good crazy though, just not much sleep. Two songs that I'm absolutely loving right now.
Matthew Mayfield-first in line and David Cook-come back to me oh and falling slowly from the movie once.

Mom's day!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM!

Love you lots and lots. Go out there and enjoy your day with your mom because she's worth all the time you can spend with her.
!!

star trek was awesome. I highly recommend it, I am super tired and it's late. Gotta get to sleep long day at work tomorrow and Mom's day!!

10 hour shift is very very exhausting....simple as that

woowoowooooo

I think that there is a reason each and every person is in your life. God knows what you need to be happy. Those that I have close to my heart are there to stay, I know this for a fact. It's why I've let them near it. Although there are so many different levels of friendship there are the rare few who truly make it in there. I'm happy to have these people with me always, no matter the distance, space, or time. These people in my life remind me to always have faith and be positive. Without the downs we wouldn't know how to love the highs.

Music always makes things better and puts it into perspective....it's so indescribable.

I'm peeling
I'm pissed
I'm typing with hot pink fingernails
and I am in pain.

Poop on the p day

Hope is not something you create, it's something you let inside.

I am right on the edge. I'm barely hanging on to what I thought was a friendship worth having. I'm one finger left before I let go. I have learned things that bother me a lot. I have heard things that hurt me too. Call me too sensitive, call me stagnant, call me whatever but I am honest. Honesty is what makes things worth while. It's important and without it life is frustrating. Honesty is the only thing I ask out of anyone in my life and expect it in return. This has not been the case. I can't fix your problems and I alone can not make you change only you yourself can do that. All I can be is the change I wish to see in the world. Gandhi was right on that one. I'm just wondering what happens when I finally let go....the last finger is slowly slipping away. Dishonesty doesn't look good on you, I'd work on a wardrobe change.

spf 50...

today was an okay day. A busy one but okay. I've been in pain pretty much all day, this sunburn stuff sucks and aloe vera only does so much sadly. I took Ian to his first final and picked him up. The rest of the day I was busy getting things done and trying not to be in as much pain as I am in. I also had to go to work, man was there work drama there but I'm over it. After work I was able to hang out with Rachel and go on an adventure. We finally ended up getting dinner at J.P. Looney's with Thomas. It was nice to sit and chat with friends that are awesomely cool. I've got an email to write to a wonderful friend of mine by the name of T to the A to the R and A. Hope life is lovely and you are wearing sunscreen the proper way.

Music is amazing and gets you through a 4 hour trip

So the trip home from the beach that was supposed to happen at 830 am did not. The car completely died. Pretty sure it's the accelerator cable (well at least what my dad thinks it is.) We finally made it into the driveway of our home at 11 pm tonight. I missed work and Ian has a final tomorrow at 9 am. I also am sleeping in my swimsuit because it's the only thing that works with my sunburn....it's not as fun as you think. Hopefully it'll be tan tomorrow, it'll make my life lovely. I will write more about my life later on tomorrow.

There is a reason for sunscreen and following it's directions. It prevents you from being burned like Jay and I. I guess putting it on and running into the ocean doesn't do much of a help. Oh well...pray that the car works tomorrow because it's not working right now. some of us have to get back by 1230 to make it to work.....man o man this'll be close. I need to get to bed....long day tomorrow

I love the ocean, love love love it. I love being in it and swimming and the waves. I love the sand between my toes but not when it's all in my swim suit. Alright it's time for bed more beach tomorrow

I am tired and tomorrow is a drive to Myrtle Beach....today was a hot fun day. Memorial service and work. le tired.