Hole.

"I hate to see you cry
Laying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good."
*john mayer couldn't have written my life in a song any better than right there.*

Today was an okay day (besides being woken up by chainsaws at 8 am). It was a beautiful day out but I was wishing I was somewhere else. I am really missing the people back home. Ian and I had a good conversation about it today on our drive home from his school. It feels like I have giant cannonball size hole in my heart and it's not getting filled. It hurts so bad right now, it's raw and it hurts. We both talked about how it's hard to find a place to go to get out, it's hard to make friends, the friends that you make aren't the ones you really want to be with. We talked about how much it sucks big time.

I really was missing a few certain people. While trying to figure out what is really going on with someone. I was over analyzing what wasn't said and not talking thinking that he isn't missing me or cares. I was writing back to this someone and right in the middle of my message I got a phone call from the person. It was great talking to this person but it just made me miss him and everyone else even more. Which lead to tears, gosh I hate being so friggin' emotional about this. I have to have faith that God has a plan for me and this is all a part of it. It's all in his hands.....