I was really excited that today was the week in review so I didn't really have to write. Well guess what it's not...that's what tomorrow is for. Today was a great day with friends and family. I was able to spend a few hours with my new friend Rachel. We went to caribou coffee (which always makes the day the best) and then headed over to the movie theater to catch Slumdog Millionaire. I now know why they got all the awards at the Oscar's. The movie was amazing, so great. Just have one word wait two words to say
JAI HO!
I was then able to come home to a house that was fully stocked after a grocery run by my mom. Score! Around 7 we then got onto the computer to watch a little b-ball actaion. I was able to see the rock star again, even if he did have a sprained ankle he played well. I'm so proud of him and the rest of the guys, they are 2nd in the conference and make it into the semi-finals automatically. There is talk of making the trip to Indy to watch the game next Saturday...hopefully it'll happen. That would be a great trip!!
After the sad one point loss I went to meet up with my mom and her friend An Marie whose daughter was in town from D.C. for martinis. It was a fun time just chatting, eating, drinking, and being merry. Nice little ending to a crazy busy week. Now onto another crazy busy week. I start work tomorrow and have church before it. Hopefully it goes well, it's making me nervous. Oh well, I'll just have to rock their socks off.
I have installed a counter on my blog and it's interesting to see that I have had as many hits as it says it does. Wow thanks I guess. I've always wanted to know who is actually reading this thing. So consider this my hello and enjoy if I don't know you. If I do know you, let me know that you're reading this thing!! It would be much appreciated. Time to let John Mayer sing me to sleep again tonight....Much love, the week in review will come tomorrow.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
I almost forgot to post something for today....I even had everything shut down for the night. Whew I almost lost that battle. Today was a funky day, I was just in a funk. Not too sure why. I guess I miss talking to those back home, but they are doing their thing. I hope I'll have that phone call that didn't' come tonight come tomorrow or sometimes soon.
I start work on sunday at best buy finally, hopefully it goes well. I'm a tad bit nervous. We'll see how it goes. much love and peace to you!
I start work on sunday at best buy finally, hopefully it goes well. I'm a tad bit nervous. We'll see how it goes. much love and peace to you!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Brick to the face!
So after I posted the blog I was just wondering what God wanted for me and the boy. So I left it up to him. I said it's cool if he decides not to write back to me and I can leave it at that. But if you want this to be something big guy then have him write back to me tonight. (I know it's kind of demanding but if it's meant to be and God wants it, he makes it happen.) So I got my brick to my face right after I posted my blog and had a message in my inbox from the boy. Thanks God, it's good to know that you're on my side with this one. We have a phone date soon : ).
God also decided to bring a good guy friend to explain how he would have reacted to the email that was sent last week. It makes sense and I shouldn't have freaked out at the response. Here's what he said..."I don't really know a whole lot about the relationship at all but it would really tell me something about the girl who wrote it and that she cares and really is looking out for me and wants the best for me. I would be ever so gracious in a loving way and almost taken a back...all in a good way...just because maybe I wouldn't have expected it." Perfectly said Tay Tay, thanks bud!
It's been a lazy day and I haven't been feeling very well, but it's always a good day when you're above the ground as my lovely mother says. Gotta remember that we may not see the the seed that we plant grow, but it will and make a difference in at least one person's life, if not more!
I heard that it snowed and was like a blizzard in Green Bay today, classes closed and everything. This little tid-bit for you guys up there, I was in shorts and a t-shirt today outside in the sun. Maybe you all should move down here and be with me!!! Bed time, much love and peace to you.
God also decided to bring a good guy friend to explain how he would have reacted to the email that was sent last week. It makes sense and I shouldn't have freaked out at the response. Here's what he said..."I don't really know a whole lot about the relationship at all but it would really tell me something about the girl who wrote it and that she cares and really is looking out for me and wants the best for me. I would be ever so gracious in a loving way and almost taken a back...all in a good way...just because maybe I wouldn't have expected it." Perfectly said Tay Tay, thanks bud!
It's been a lazy day and I haven't been feeling very well, but it's always a good day when you're above the ground as my lovely mother says. Gotta remember that we may not see the the seed that we plant grow, but it will and make a difference in at least one person's life, if not more!
I heard that it snowed and was like a blizzard in Green Bay today, classes closed and everything. This little tid-bit for you guys up there, I was in shorts and a t-shirt today outside in the sun. Maybe you all should move down here and be with me!!! Bed time, much love and peace to you.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
God is good!
So tonight I decided to go to the college worship night at the new church I'm attending. I did it alone and was just letting God do his work through me. If I ended up going and sitting by myself and not doing anything I was cool with that, he's got the plans not me. But right as I walked in i met a wonderful woman named Laurie who come to find out was from Appleton!! Appleton of all places...20 minutes away from Green Bay, WOW! (See God, he's got plans for me) She came and sat next to me and after the service we started talking and it was great, I made a friend with her and found out about her life. Then she introduced me to the pastor Allen who I barely talked to last week. We chatted and it just worked he was so kind and nice and had other people come and talk to me. I let it all go to God and let him work to find people. Well I then got to meet other people, they just starting coming up to me and then I started talking to them, I made friends. People who I will be able to see again. There is a reason why I am here, and I think I found it. I am so excited for what tomorrow brings. Tonight was something that God wanted me to be at, he's a pretty big awesome guy. Go God....now if only he could guide me the right way in this whole boy situation that would be wonderful! Sometimes you just have to let it all go and just dive head first fearless into the situation. So I'm all in!!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Wow
There are reasons why God has you be where you need to be sometimes. I went to a home owners board meeting tonight to stick up for my mom. I got to meet the giant jerk named Mike Martin. It's official I have experienced the craziness of what she has gone through the past couple of years. WOW I never realized how fully grown adults I'm talking over 40 can act like complete children. It's shocking. I'm tired and tomorrow is my last trip to the dentist for awhile....YAY!!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Teeth
So today was my second to last dentist appointment...yay! Only one more trip with pain involved. Although the dentist is absolutely wonderful. He loves his job and loves life, it just makes you happy. I also went grocery shopping with the mom and got my car's oil changed. I guess you could say it was a busy day.
I did another 30 minute jog and ab work out today. I'm really exhausted but it's a good feeling. Jay actually got on the bike next to me and I had a work out buddy for once. I'm still feeling pretty sick and I'm not a fan.
I miss talking to Jess. She's got a new boyfriend and school so she's not around as much. It makes me sad, but that's how life is. I'm tired and I've found that nyquil gives me weird dreams.
I did another 30 minute jog and ab work out today. I'm really exhausted but it's a good feeling. Jay actually got on the bike next to me and I had a work out buddy for once. I'm still feeling pretty sick and I'm not a fan.
I miss talking to Jess. She's got a new boyfriend and school so she's not around as much. It makes me sad, but that's how life is. I'm tired and I've found that nyquil gives me weird dreams.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Sunday in review 2.22.09
This week has gone by fast. It's been a busy one but also one full of sickness. I'm still feeling sick and can't get rid of it for some reason. The oscars are currently on and I'm so happy that Heath Ledger got the award. Well deserved!! I think I'm going to have to go see slumdog millionaire after all the awards that they are winning. Alright onto the review
*Last Sunday I fell in love with a elephant that I lovingly named Stella. The circus was fun but very cheesy.
*Monday was a very uninteresting day but I didn't know what to blog about. I did know I was missing a certain someone. I was doing what I do best and over-analyzing things....I really need to work on that
*Tuesday was another day at the dentist and another day of pain. I really don't like the dentist.
*I found out that the boy had played at open mic and I missed it. I was so mad at myself for missing it. I hadn't talked to him in awhile and really wished I had....(I still have yet to see the video that was taken of him. cough cough jess cough cough)
*Wednesday was the day of the weird but I brought smiles to faces of the people I loved. I found out things about the boy I had no idea about and was so proud of him. I'm glad I can bring warmth to the hearts of others, that's all I want to do in my life.
*Thursday was a day of new things, I made a new friend Racheal and I went to a new coffee shop downtown. It was delicious and great. That night was my therapeutic night. I wrote what some would say is an amazing email to someone special. It got things out that I needed out and it was a great feeling.
*Friday was a night of good food and good conversations with my mom. It was nice to bring light to situations.
*Saturday was a day of friends, food and basketball. It was great to see the boy play so well on ESPN. So proud of him. I'm still feeling sick
Over all it's been a great week. A week of discovery mostly. I know that there is someone out there that likes me now, and some of my questions have been answered. I also have been transferred down here at the Best Buy and hopefully starting work soon. If not I am applying to work at the new apple store anyways....so take that.
Back to the Oscars. I hope life is wonderful and well, much love!
*Last Sunday I fell in love with a elephant that I lovingly named Stella. The circus was fun but very cheesy.
*Monday was a very uninteresting day but I didn't know what to blog about. I did know I was missing a certain someone. I was doing what I do best and over-analyzing things....I really need to work on that
*Tuesday was another day at the dentist and another day of pain. I really don't like the dentist.
*I found out that the boy had played at open mic and I missed it. I was so mad at myself for missing it. I hadn't talked to him in awhile and really wished I had....(I still have yet to see the video that was taken of him. cough cough jess cough cough)
*Wednesday was the day of the weird but I brought smiles to faces of the people I loved. I found out things about the boy I had no idea about and was so proud of him. I'm glad I can bring warmth to the hearts of others, that's all I want to do in my life.
*Thursday was a day of new things, I made a new friend Racheal and I went to a new coffee shop downtown. It was delicious and great. That night was my therapeutic night. I wrote what some would say is an amazing email to someone special. It got things out that I needed out and it was a great feeling.
*Friday was a night of good food and good conversations with my mom. It was nice to bring light to situations.
*Saturday was a day of friends, food and basketball. It was great to see the boy play so well on ESPN. So proud of him. I'm still feeling sick
Over all it's been a great week. A week of discovery mostly. I know that there is someone out there that likes me now, and some of my questions have been answered. I also have been transferred down here at the Best Buy and hopefully starting work soon. If not I am applying to work at the new apple store anyways....so take that.
Back to the Oscars. I hope life is wonderful and well, much love!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
I'm coming down with a cold. I don't like it. I'm all stuffy and gross.
This evening my family and family friends are going to a sports bar to watch the rock star play tonight on EspnU. I'm excited it should be a fun time getting together and getting to watch the game.
Lucy has decided to dig up in my mom's bushes in the front, there is a big hole...a very big hole that I have to go and fix. I had a very weird text message conversation last night too. I just want to leave things at what they are and not deal. I need people who care for me as my friend, not who are going to run away when things get a little rocky. Ahhh it's crazy. More to come tonight.
I have a retraction to make also per request of my mother. She said that i made fun of her for drinking tea and being southern. I have found the wonderfulness of drinking tea so I have become southern as well. So sorry about that one mom.
This evening my family and family friends are going to a sports bar to watch the rock star play tonight on EspnU. I'm excited it should be a fun time getting together and getting to watch the game.
Lucy has decided to dig up in my mom's bushes in the front, there is a big hole...a very big hole that I have to go and fix. I had a very weird text message conversation last night too. I just want to leave things at what they are and not deal. I need people who care for me as my friend, not who are going to run away when things get a little rocky. Ahhh it's crazy. More to come tonight.
I have a retraction to make also per request of my mother. She said that i made fun of her for drinking tea and being southern. I have found the wonderfulness of drinking tea so I have become southern as well. So sorry about that one mom.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
i'm busy
i have a new friend that I went to coffee with, it was great!! But right now I have a very important email to write to a special rock star of mine : ) Peace and love to you tonight!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
The world is off it's axis
Today has just been a weird day all around. I don't know why but it has been nothing but weird situations. The post office screwing things up, my phone not working, and so many more things. But it was a good ending to the night. The last regular season home game for the seniors was tonight. I wasn't there but I was able to watch it, they all did amazing. I am so proud of the rockstar.
I then while watching the game I heard them talking about an article in the newspaper about the rockstar. So I went and found it. I read it and words can not describe how proud and honored I am to call him friend. He is an amazing guy and going and talking about his struggles with depression are hard enough with a friend, but to do it with a green bay newspaper....wow. So so so proud of him, what an awesome guy he is!!
I then while watching the game I heard them talking about an article in the newspaper about the rockstar. So I went and found it. I read it and words can not describe how proud and honored I am to call him friend. He is an amazing guy and going and talking about his struggles with depression are hard enough with a friend, but to do it with a green bay newspaper....wow. So so so proud of him, what an awesome guy he is!!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
note to self
I busted my bum tonight on the treadmill...but onto a note from a guy that is pretty cool. He wrote it and it made sense for me tonight. I'm out of whack tonight, but I made a friend and I have plans to do something!!
Dear Aubrey,
The only justice is love. Just let it go. You don't have to write back. You don't have to explain. This is not about being right. There is something true in the song that you can't stop listening to. You don't feel at home anywhere, but you feel at home when Aaron sings that song. Someone calling you a criminal does not make you a criminal, just as someone calling you a hero does not make you a hero. Nobody gets to name you. Find your identity in the one true place. If someone gives you something and then takes it back - that's okay. If someone says something or sees something, and then they don't - it's okay. Do not be like some broken lawyer, always asking for answers, always reaching for rewind. Guilt and regret, those are awful places. You know that. So don't live there. Do not despair. Do not be afraid. Grace is the interesting thing. Hope.
And God must be a pretty big fan of "today", because you keep waking up to it. You have made known your request for a hundred different yesterdays, but the sun keeps rising on this thing that has never been known. Yesterday is dead and over. Wrapped in grace. Those days are grace. You are still alive, and today is the most interesting day. Today is the best place to live.
These things deserve your attention: Your family, your friends, the people you will meet today, the strangers with their stories. "We are all in this together." It is absolutely true. That girl with cancer in her stomach and chaos in her mind. She's with us. That guy with tears in his eyes and ghosts in his heart. He loved her, and you could see it. You could see it, and you told him it wasn't his to carry. You told him about grace, and you told him about the song. And you believed it. You were certain of it. So if it's true for him, then isn't it also true for you?
Wake up. You're alive.
Your Friend,
Aubrey
PS: And that thing… I know you think about it a lot. I know you don't know what to do with it. It does not define you. It never did. Then or now. You can wear it around your neck. You can throw it to the sea. It doesn't matter. It's not your name. You are free.
(www.twloha.com)
Dear Aubrey,
The only justice is love. Just let it go. You don't have to write back. You don't have to explain. This is not about being right. There is something true in the song that you can't stop listening to. You don't feel at home anywhere, but you feel at home when Aaron sings that song. Someone calling you a criminal does not make you a criminal, just as someone calling you a hero does not make you a hero. Nobody gets to name you. Find your identity in the one true place. If someone gives you something and then takes it back - that's okay. If someone says something or sees something, and then they don't - it's okay. Do not be like some broken lawyer, always asking for answers, always reaching for rewind. Guilt and regret, those are awful places. You know that. So don't live there. Do not despair. Do not be afraid. Grace is the interesting thing. Hope.
And God must be a pretty big fan of "today", because you keep waking up to it. You have made known your request for a hundred different yesterdays, but the sun keeps rising on this thing that has never been known. Yesterday is dead and over. Wrapped in grace. Those days are grace. You are still alive, and today is the most interesting day. Today is the best place to live.
These things deserve your attention: Your family, your friends, the people you will meet today, the strangers with their stories. "We are all in this together." It is absolutely true. That girl with cancer in her stomach and chaos in her mind. She's with us. That guy with tears in his eyes and ghosts in his heart. He loved her, and you could see it. You could see it, and you told him it wasn't his to carry. You told him about grace, and you told him about the song. And you believed it. You were certain of it. So if it's true for him, then isn't it also true for you?
Wake up. You're alive.
Your Friend,
Aubrey
PS: And that thing… I know you think about it a lot. I know you don't know what to do with it. It does not define you. It never did. Then or now. You can wear it around your neck. You can throw it to the sea. It doesn't matter. It's not your name. You are free.
(www.twloha.com)
Monday, February 16, 2009
Breathe...but I have to
Video Blog about Ian!
So I'll check the weather wherever you are. Cause I wonder if you can see the stars tonight. It might be my only right.
So I'll check the weather wherever you are. Cause I wonder if you can see the stars tonight. It might be my only right.
Forever united here somehow, You got a piece of me, And honestly...
My life would suck without you
My life would suck without you
Music starts playin’ like the end of a sad movie, it’s the kinda ending you don’t really wanna see.
Cause it’s tragedy and it’ll only bring you down, now I don’t know what to be without you around. And we know it’s never simple never easy. Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand, And I can’t, Breathe, without you,
But I have to.
Cause it’s tragedy and it’ll only bring you down, now I don’t know what to be without you around. And we know it’s never simple never easy. Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand, And I can’t, Breathe, without you,
But I have to.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
I've forgotten...
So I've forgotten to do my Saturday's in review since I moved down here. I guess I should start those back up again next week.
Ian got his first acceptance letter from college the other day, to Clemson. (I got it on video) He was excited but I'm thinking he's really wanting to be a tar heel. I'm excited for him. I am thinking as his graduation present to him, he and I will take a road trip to Wisconsin together this summer.
Today we went to the circus. It was cheesy but the elephants were adorable. We learned about two of them who are literally inseparable. If one is sick the other one has to be with them. That would be awesome to have the power to make sure you never leave your friend. There was another elephant there that had a star branded on her back, she was so energetic and fun. I wanted to take her home with me. (I already named her...Stella). It was sad to see the tigers all stuck in a tiny cage. They were beautiful but I felt horrible for them because they weren't able to move around at all.
Church was great today, I was able to meet and talk with the pastor. I mentioned that I wanted to get involved with the college group and have experience with small groups he got pumped. He took my name and info down and gave it to the leadership team and hopefully they will contact me soon. I'm really excited about that, a way to get connected.
I'm not sure I'm ever going to start work at Best Buy. I'm going to have to bug them until finally they give in. he said he would try to get me on the schedule next week....I'll believe it when I see it.
Alright that's enough for tonight. Have a wonderful evening.
Much love and peace to you!
Ian got his first acceptance letter from college the other day, to Clemson. (I got it on video) He was excited but I'm thinking he's really wanting to be a tar heel. I'm excited for him. I am thinking as his graduation present to him, he and I will take a road trip to Wisconsin together this summer.
Today we went to the circus. It was cheesy but the elephants were adorable. We learned about two of them who are literally inseparable. If one is sick the other one has to be with them. That would be awesome to have the power to make sure you never leave your friend. There was another elephant there that had a star branded on her back, she was so energetic and fun. I wanted to take her home with me. (I already named her...Stella). It was sad to see the tigers all stuck in a tiny cage. They were beautiful but I felt horrible for them because they weren't able to move around at all.
Church was great today, I was able to meet and talk with the pastor. I mentioned that I wanted to get involved with the college group and have experience with small groups he got pumped. He took my name and info down and gave it to the leadership team and hopefully they will contact me soon. I'm really excited about that, a way to get connected.
I'm not sure I'm ever going to start work at Best Buy. I'm going to have to bug them until finally they give in. he said he would try to get me on the schedule next week....I'll believe it when I see it.
Alright that's enough for tonight. Have a wonderful evening.
Much love and peace to you!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Valentine's Day???
I haven't really blogged in awhile, well very in depth about my life recently. Sorry about that...
Here's what I'm dealing with right now.
I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around this whole thing with the rockstar. I'm not sure if it's him being a nice guy or if it really is him showing that he does care about me. I think that he does have feelings for me, but I'm not sure. How can you tell??
There are so many things that get lost in translation. I wish I was able to just show up and get the answers. It's weird that I didn't talk to him almost all week. Then I haven't gone a day without talking to him on the phone for the past three days. Don't get me wrong it's great, but such a change from one spectrum to the other. I'm not one who likes to talk on the phone that much. I would much rather write my feelings out or talk in person, the phone complicates things. I don't know what to call the thing between us, I'm not even sure. I wonder what he would call it. I mean his roommate was there when we talked for over 30 minutes the other night. If I were that roommate I would wonder what was going on and ask. What did the rockstar say to him? What's the rockstars interpretation to this whole thing?
I know deep down in my heart that if I were there currently things would be different, and we'd have a better chance at being together. That sucks knowing it's not the case now. The real question is how do you know that he's into you? Maybe I should find that book and read it. I have to trust in God and have faith, it's all in His hands. Help advice anyone??
Happy Valentine's Day even though you should show your love to the ones you love EVERYDAY not just one day. I love you!
Here's what I'm dealing with right now.
I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around this whole thing with the rockstar. I'm not sure if it's him being a nice guy or if it really is him showing that he does care about me. I think that he does have feelings for me, but I'm not sure. How can you tell??
There are so many things that get lost in translation. I wish I was able to just show up and get the answers. It's weird that I didn't talk to him almost all week. Then I haven't gone a day without talking to him on the phone for the past three days. Don't get me wrong it's great, but such a change from one spectrum to the other. I'm not one who likes to talk on the phone that much. I would much rather write my feelings out or talk in person, the phone complicates things. I don't know what to call the thing between us, I'm not even sure. I wonder what he would call it. I mean his roommate was there when we talked for over 30 minutes the other night. If I were that roommate I would wonder what was going on and ask. What did the rockstar say to him? What's the rockstars interpretation to this whole thing?
I know deep down in my heart that if I were there currently things would be different, and we'd have a better chance at being together. That sucks knowing it's not the case now. The real question is how do you know that he's into you? Maybe I should find that book and read it. I have to trust in God and have faith, it's all in His hands. Help advice anyone??
Happy Valentine's Day even though you should show your love to the ones you love EVERYDAY not just one day. I love you!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Fat Ladies
Today was a lazy day and I liked it.
Wine and whine was cold, I think this weather isn't as warm as I think it was going to be. The trees however are in bloom which is awesome. It's been a crazy week of not good things. This sunday will be fun though we are going to the circus and we get to see the animals before the show!
I am still feeling kind of tired....I really am missing my friends. This isn't home, this is just a new place to wander. Hopefully I will be able to make it back to GB the end of march. tomorrow is another crappy day....S.A.D.
Wine and whine was cold, I think this weather isn't as warm as I think it was going to be. The trees however are in bloom which is awesome. It's been a crazy week of not good things. This sunday will be fun though we are going to the circus and we get to see the animals before the show!
I am still feeling kind of tired....I really am missing my friends. This isn't home, this is just a new place to wander. Hopefully I will be able to make it back to GB the end of march. tomorrow is another crappy day....S.A.D.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Phones and Boys
No phone call tonight.....
This sucks. I told myself I wasn't going to cry today about anything. It's hard when your mom says, "i'm so glad that you are here, are you happy you are here." I didn't know what to say. I love being with my family but this isn't my home. It doesn't feel like it at all, there is nobody here. I want to get in my car and just drive. I wish I could bring everyone in green bay here or my family there so it's all better. Oh and I got my face drilled today at the dentist and I'm in a lot of pain. And again there was no phone call.
No phone call at all.........
This sucks. I told myself I wasn't going to cry today about anything. It's hard when your mom says, "i'm so glad that you are here, are you happy you are here." I didn't know what to say. I love being with my family but this isn't my home. It doesn't feel like it at all, there is nobody here. I want to get in my car and just drive. I wish I could bring everyone in green bay here or my family there so it's all better. Oh and I got my face drilled today at the dentist and I'm in a lot of pain. And again there was no phone call.
No phone call at all.........
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
What to do...
I really am not in the mood to blog. I did go to a small group meeting with ladies from church. It was good to meet new people. My mom bought a ridiculous card for the rock star. Jeez and I was going to talk to him tonight but he's busy..sad, he said we'll talk tomorrow. hopefully this is true. I did get to talk to Jess like always and had a great conversation with Taylor. I really miss everyone it sucks. I like Jess's take on what's going on. " Well I think he doesn't know how to handle the distance right now. And that he doesn't want you to know how sad he is."
Song that I love right now...
Where I stood by Missy higgins
"I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none
There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood."
Song that I love right now...
Where I stood by Missy higgins
"I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none
There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood."
Monday, February 09, 2009
Hole.
"I hate to see you cry
Laying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen
Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good."
*john mayer couldn't have written my life in a song any better than right there.*
Today was an okay day (besides being woken up by chainsaws at 8 am). It was a beautiful day out but I was wishing I was somewhere else. I am really missing the people back home. Ian and I had a good conversation about it today on our drive home from his school. It feels like I have giant cannonball size hole in my heart and it's not getting filled. It hurts so bad right now, it's raw and it hurts. We both talked about how it's hard to find a place to go to get out, it's hard to make friends, the friends that you make aren't the ones you really want to be with. We talked about how much it sucks big time.
I really was missing a few certain people. While trying to figure out what is really going on with someone. I was over analyzing what wasn't said and not talking thinking that he isn't missing me or cares. I was writing back to this someone and right in the middle of my message I got a phone call from the person. It was great talking to this person but it just made me miss him and everyone else even more. Which lead to tears, gosh I hate being so friggin' emotional about this. I have to have faith that God has a plan for me and this is all a part of it. It's all in his hands.....
Laying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen
Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good."
*john mayer couldn't have written my life in a song any better than right there.*
Today was an okay day (besides being woken up by chainsaws at 8 am). It was a beautiful day out but I was wishing I was somewhere else. I am really missing the people back home. Ian and I had a good conversation about it today on our drive home from his school. It feels like I have giant cannonball size hole in my heart and it's not getting filled. It hurts so bad right now, it's raw and it hurts. We both talked about how it's hard to find a place to go to get out, it's hard to make friends, the friends that you make aren't the ones you really want to be with. We talked about how much it sucks big time.
I really was missing a few certain people. While trying to figure out what is really going on with someone. I was over analyzing what wasn't said and not talking thinking that he isn't missing me or cares. I was writing back to this someone and right in the middle of my message I got a phone call from the person. It was great talking to this person but it just made me miss him and everyone else even more. Which lead to tears, gosh I hate being so friggin' emotional about this. I have to have faith that God has a plan for me and this is all a part of it. It's all in his hands.....
Sunday, February 08, 2009
I found a church!
This is my randomly randomness for the night...I found a church and I'm super pumped about it. Even my mom liked it. Alright onto my 25 random things.
1. I know how to knit. I can do it fairly well actually, probably better than your grandma : P I have spent many hours with Shell talking about life while knitting, some of the best times spent in the plex. I know I'm a nerd.
2. I am a complete nerd, but it's okay I've come to terms with it. But I also have my goof ball, random and spontaneousness mixed in there.
3. It's been over a week and I have yet to really find some place to call my own here in north carolina. It's killing me that I haven't met anyone besides my parents friends, there isn't a nice local coffee shop anywhere, and I might not start working at best buy again until the beginning of march.
4. it's the simple things in life that get over looked. It's what makes me smile, be it a bracelet or a thank you card. A lot of people want the big grand things, like fireworks. I'm content with watching the rain fall or the grass grow.
5. I'm superstitious only in one way. I always have the pre-wrap that I wore during my soccer game on my left wrist until my next game. I take it off right before I step on the field. Usually it falls off before the game, but it doesn't come off no matter what until game time.
6. I love my family. They are the greatest. Simple as that.
7. One of my biggest fears is settling...you know just taking something as it is without going all the way. I don't ever just want to settle, I want to achieve the dreams I have.
8. I really want to make a difference in the world, a really big difference. What this difference is I don't know yet but I will. Nothing is going to stop me from achieving this.
9. I have learned recently that there are a lot of fake people out there. As much as I'd like to think every has a kind heart and are doing things because they care, really they are not. It's sad. Things you once thought were the truth from this person are no longer that, which leaves you questioning everything, which is the worst.
10. Even though I think new year's resolutions are kind of silly, I have kept up with my new years resolution so far. It's to blog each day. I haven't missed one yet. You should check it out I hear it's pretty good, haha
11. I have faith in the big guys upstairs but am not going to force it on someone else. We are all free individuals that chose our own path in life. My faith is important to me and I sometimes forget to have faith and I need to remember it's all in His hands.
12. I'm a loud person at times and usually talk a lot. When I'm quiet that's when you know something is going on and I'm thinking about something important. When things are quiet is when I'm getting things put together.
13. I over-analyze EVERYTHING...from simple text messages, the way someone says something to me, to what I've said or done etc.
14. I'm a giver. I would much rather see the joy on someone's face from something I have done or given them, than to be the one getting something. The feeling you get when they have it is worth every penny or hard work you put into the gift. It's probably one of my favorite things!
15. I have a bracelet that sums up my life that I got as a gift from a pretty cool friend. It says "living life" It's all I want to do, is enjoy this life to the fullest and have fun. This is something we all should do.
16. I always have to have sunglasses on when it's even semi-sunny. I love my shades, I have been known to even rock them at night.
17. It's my curse I can see what people are thinking. What they want to say and what they can't say, who they want to be with....and what good does that do me when I normally feel invisible. I can read people really well. I want to make the people I meet seem to be a little happier and enjoy life and not feel invisible.
18. I think Love is SO important in anything you do. It may be one of my downfalls but I love everyone that I meet in some form or another of love. Love is powerful and it can really make a difference. "Sometimes we are more loved than we ever know." So I love you, yes YOU!
19. Music has to be with me constantly. Music has the power to change someone's mood, to describe any situation, and is universal. I love jamming out in my van, dancing to it, to just listening to it. Music is so great.
20. I think it would be fun to see what God sees in a day. It'd be interesting to know why things happened the way they did. I wonder if God plays pranks on people? I bet he does : )
21.My mom is my best friend. She's been there for me through everything and one of the few people that I talk to almost every day. She's my therapist for everything and I'm so glad to call her my mom. Even if people think she's my sister : P
22. I still feel like a kid and act like a kids sometimes too even though I'm considered an adult. I don't ever want to lose that feeling of being a kid.
23. I love thunderstorms. I love the lightening. My favorite thing is to run outside, play in the rain and go puddle jumping.
24. My friends are the best, from the new to the old. Those that live close, those far away, those who I haven't seen in forever and those I just saw a week and half ago... I am truly blessed to have every single one of you in my life and am thankful for you. I miss you all more than words can describe!
25. I'm going to be surprised if you read all the way through that craziness.
1. I know how to knit. I can do it fairly well actually, probably better than your grandma : P I have spent many hours with Shell talking about life while knitting, some of the best times spent in the plex. I know I'm a nerd.
2. I am a complete nerd, but it's okay I've come to terms with it. But I also have my goof ball, random and spontaneousness mixed in there.
3. It's been over a week and I have yet to really find some place to call my own here in north carolina. It's killing me that I haven't met anyone besides my parents friends, there isn't a nice local coffee shop anywhere, and I might not start working at best buy again until the beginning of march.
4. it's the simple things in life that get over looked. It's what makes me smile, be it a bracelet or a thank you card. A lot of people want the big grand things, like fireworks. I'm content with watching the rain fall or the grass grow.
5. I'm superstitious only in one way. I always have the pre-wrap that I wore during my soccer game on my left wrist until my next game. I take it off right before I step on the field. Usually it falls off before the game, but it doesn't come off no matter what until game time.
6. I love my family. They are the greatest. Simple as that.
7. One of my biggest fears is settling...you know just taking something as it is without going all the way. I don't ever just want to settle, I want to achieve the dreams I have.
8. I really want to make a difference in the world, a really big difference. What this difference is I don't know yet but I will. Nothing is going to stop me from achieving this.
9. I have learned recently that there are a lot of fake people out there. As much as I'd like to think every has a kind heart and are doing things because they care, really they are not. It's sad. Things you once thought were the truth from this person are no longer that, which leaves you questioning everything, which is the worst.
10. Even though I think new year's resolutions are kind of silly, I have kept up with my new years resolution so far. It's to blog each day. I haven't missed one yet. You should check it out I hear it's pretty good, haha
11. I have faith in the big guys upstairs but am not going to force it on someone else. We are all free individuals that chose our own path in life. My faith is important to me and I sometimes forget to have faith and I need to remember it's all in His hands.
12. I'm a loud person at times and usually talk a lot. When I'm quiet that's when you know something is going on and I'm thinking about something important. When things are quiet is when I'm getting things put together.
13. I over-analyze EVERYTHING...from simple text messages, the way someone says something to me, to what I've said or done etc.
14. I'm a giver. I would much rather see the joy on someone's face from something I have done or given them, than to be the one getting something. The feeling you get when they have it is worth every penny or hard work you put into the gift. It's probably one of my favorite things!
15. I have a bracelet that sums up my life that I got as a gift from a pretty cool friend. It says "living life" It's all I want to do, is enjoy this life to the fullest and have fun. This is something we all should do.
16. I always have to have sunglasses on when it's even semi-sunny. I love my shades, I have been known to even rock them at night.
17. It's my curse I can see what people are thinking. What they want to say and what they can't say, who they want to be with....and what good does that do me when I normally feel invisible. I can read people really well. I want to make the people I meet seem to be a little happier and enjoy life and not feel invisible.
18. I think Love is SO important in anything you do. It may be one of my downfalls but I love everyone that I meet in some form or another of love. Love is powerful and it can really make a difference. "Sometimes we are more loved than we ever know." So I love you, yes YOU!
19. Music has to be with me constantly. Music has the power to change someone's mood, to describe any situation, and is universal. I love jamming out in my van, dancing to it, to just listening to it. Music is so great.
20. I think it would be fun to see what God sees in a day. It'd be interesting to know why things happened the way they did. I wonder if God plays pranks on people? I bet he does : )
21.My mom is my best friend. She's been there for me through everything and one of the few people that I talk to almost every day. She's my therapist for everything and I'm so glad to call her my mom. Even if people think she's my sister : P
22. I still feel like a kid and act like a kids sometimes too even though I'm considered an adult. I don't ever want to lose that feeling of being a kid.
23. I love thunderstorms. I love the lightening. My favorite thing is to run outside, play in the rain and go puddle jumping.
24. My friends are the best, from the new to the old. Those that live close, those far away, those who I haven't seen in forever and those I just saw a week and half ago... I am truly blessed to have every single one of you in my life and am thankful for you. I miss you all more than words can describe!
25. I'm going to be surprised if you read all the way through that craziness.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Sunshine and Yellow Wires
Happy 18th Birthday to my little big brother : )
Today was a day full of work. It was Ian's birthday too wahooo!!
Last night Jay decided that my big giant queen size bed was way cooler than his. So he hopped into my bed for the night. He took all of my covers and I woke up freezing. I'm not too sure it's going to happen again. But after waking up to a deep freeze I was told to get ready to work on the garage. For those of you who don't know what is in the garage, it is ALL of my stuff that I had in my apartment besides the essentials I needed. So boxes upon boxes of stuff. Well the queen of organization made me go through each box and decide if I needed it or if we could put it in the basement for awhile. I only had 3 boxes that ended up going up stairs. My mom she does good work.
After the lunch break and ice cream cake for Ian's birthday we decided to run to Lowes to get an invisible fence for the puppy. This meant that we had to go through and install it. This involves at least two people. One to put the wire in the trench you dig and another person to dig the trench. Well I was on trench duty all along the house, while my mom did the wire placement. So this involved pushing a shovel down into dirt every 8 inches. I did this 450 yards around the house. Needless to say I'm exhausted. The nice thing though is that it was in the mid sixties and I was able to do it in shorts and a t-shirt. Bad thing, I got a little bit of sun...maybe too much. We did get it all done even though there was some flashlight action at the end.
The boys won tonight against Milwaukee which is amazing...good job guys!! now they are in second place in the conference. I'm thinking an 8 hour trip up to see them play in Ohio next week might be in order. We'll see. Tomorrow morning is my trip to the church I found, I'm really excited about this. I'm hoping that this will be a good fit for me and a great starting point into making a wider network of friends. Which at this point any friend is more than the friends I have now. I'm going to bed it's been a long day....
Today was a day full of work. It was Ian's birthday too wahooo!!
Last night Jay decided that my big giant queen size bed was way cooler than his. So he hopped into my bed for the night. He took all of my covers and I woke up freezing. I'm not too sure it's going to happen again. But after waking up to a deep freeze I was told to get ready to work on the garage. For those of you who don't know what is in the garage, it is ALL of my stuff that I had in my apartment besides the essentials I needed. So boxes upon boxes of stuff. Well the queen of organization made me go through each box and decide if I needed it or if we could put it in the basement for awhile. I only had 3 boxes that ended up going up stairs. My mom she does good work.
After the lunch break and ice cream cake for Ian's birthday we decided to run to Lowes to get an invisible fence for the puppy. This meant that we had to go through and install it. This involves at least two people. One to put the wire in the trench you dig and another person to dig the trench. Well I was on trench duty all along the house, while my mom did the wire placement. So this involved pushing a shovel down into dirt every 8 inches. I did this 450 yards around the house. Needless to say I'm exhausted. The nice thing though is that it was in the mid sixties and I was able to do it in shorts and a t-shirt. Bad thing, I got a little bit of sun...maybe too much. We did get it all done even though there was some flashlight action at the end.
The boys won tonight against Milwaukee which is amazing...good job guys!! now they are in second place in the conference. I'm thinking an 8 hour trip up to see them play in Ohio next week might be in order. We'll see. Tomorrow morning is my trip to the church I found, I'm really excited about this. I'm hoping that this will be a good fit for me and a great starting point into making a wider network of friends. Which at this point any friend is more than the friends I have now. I'm going to bed it's been a long day....
Friday, February 06, 2009
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Brrr It Snowed again!
today has been a busy day. I was loudly awoken at 8:30 by my dad saying I had to get up. Why? Well it BARELY snowed and everything was delayed 2 hours. This meant that I would have to take Ian to class. It ended up that I didn't have to and I was woken up for nothing.
Since I was "up" my mom decided that we were going to make today the day that we start unpacking my things. Well the first step was to get my water bed out of my room. This sounds easier than it really is. We had to drain the thing with a hose that was outside. This hose was frozen with ice inside of it. So I had to go down three floors to hook up the hose and flush out the ice chunks. (I'm in flip flops shorts and a hoodie while it's 32 degrees outside with a windchill of 5 to 10 degrees colder). Well the hose starts spraying me, it was great.
We got the bed out and then got my old comfy bed set up....YAY!!!! Then it was the epic battles of battles. I have my organized mess where my mom has her organized stuff organized. She wanted everything cleaned and organized, I however was okay with the bed just being up. We had our little battle of organization, she in the end won...dang. I did however find a church that I think I'll enjoy. I'm going to check it out on Sunday, it might be the giant thing that I've been missing down here.
But today I finally listened to the new Fray album. However I was not a fan of them live a few years back I am a fan of this album. I'm really digging this song called Happiness. But almost all the songs seem to relate to some sort of emotion I'm feeling with in my life. Here are the lyrics to happiness....OH tomorrow the discussion of stuck up bands and how they work or don't work from a fan's perspective.
Since I was "up" my mom decided that we were going to make today the day that we start unpacking my things. Well the first step was to get my water bed out of my room. This sounds easier than it really is. We had to drain the thing with a hose that was outside. This hose was frozen with ice inside of it. So I had to go down three floors to hook up the hose and flush out the ice chunks. (I'm in flip flops shorts and a hoodie while it's 32 degrees outside with a windchill of 5 to 10 degrees colder). Well the hose starts spraying me, it was great.
We got the bed out and then got my old comfy bed set up....YAY!!!! Then it was the epic battles of battles. I have my organized mess where my mom has her organized stuff organized. She wanted everything cleaned and organized, I however was okay with the bed just being up. We had our little battle of organization, she in the end won...dang. I did however find a church that I think I'll enjoy. I'm going to check it out on Sunday, it might be the giant thing that I've been missing down here.
But today I finally listened to the new Fray album. However I was not a fan of them live a few years back I am a fan of this album. I'm really digging this song called Happiness. But almost all the songs seem to relate to some sort of emotion I'm feeling with in my life. Here are the lyrics to happiness....OH tomorrow the discussion of stuck up bands and how they work or don't work from a fan's perspective.
Happiness was just outside my window
I thought it’d crash blowing eighty miles an hour
But happiness is a little more like knocking
On your door, you just let it in
Happiness feels a lot like sorrow
Let it be, you can't make it come or go
But you are gone, not for good but for now
And gone for now feels a lot like gone for good
Happiness is a firecracker sitting on my headboard
Happiness was never mine to hold
Careful child, light the fuse and get away
Cause happiness throws a shower of sparks
Happiness damn near destroys you
Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor
So you tell yourself that’s enough for now
But happiness has a violent roar
Happiness it's like the old man told me
Look for it and you'll never find it all
But let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day you'll wake up and she'll be home
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
I have been doing a lot of things today. I got up and did my own laundry. I went and tutored Connor for a few hours. I cleaned up and have been going through stuff I don't need. I am even moving my water bed out of my room and my old bed back up here! Hopefully it'll help me sleep better than I am. I am going to leave you with what I found.
This plaqc has been on my wall in Wisconsin ever since I was little. I really never looked at it or thought about it. All I know is that it was made by my Grandpa Paul for me when I was a baby. I'll have to ask my mom for more info about it. So I found it today and actually looked at it. This is what is says.
Children Learn What they Live
If a child lives with criticism she learns to condemn
if a child lives with hostility she learns to fight
if a child lives with fear she learns to be apprehensive
if a child lives with pity she learns to feel sorry for herself
if a child lives with ridicule she learns to be shy
if a child lives with jealousy she learns what envy is
if a child lives with encouragement she learns to be confident
if a child lives with tolerance she learns to be patient
if a child lives with praise she learns to be appreciative
if a child lives with acceptance she learns to love
if a child lives with approval she learns to like herself
if a child lives with recognition she learns that it is good to have a goal
if a child lives with sharing she learns about generosity
if a child lives with honesty and fairness she learns what truth and justice are.
if a child lives with security she learns to have faith in herself and in those about her.
if a child lives with friendliness she learns that the world is a nice place in which to live.
If you live with serenity your child will live with peace of mind.
This plaqc has been on my wall in Wisconsin ever since I was little. I really never looked at it or thought about it. All I know is that it was made by my Grandpa Paul for me when I was a baby. I'll have to ask my mom for more info about it. So I found it today and actually looked at it. This is what is says.
Children Learn What they Live
If a child lives with criticism she learns to condemn
if a child lives with hostility she learns to fight
if a child lives with fear she learns to be apprehensive
if a child lives with pity she learns to feel sorry for herself
if a child lives with ridicule she learns to be shy
if a child lives with jealousy she learns what envy is
if a child lives with encouragement she learns to be confident
if a child lives with tolerance she learns to be patient
if a child lives with praise she learns to be appreciative
if a child lives with acceptance she learns to love
if a child lives with approval she learns to like herself
if a child lives with recognition she learns that it is good to have a goal
if a child lives with sharing she learns about generosity
if a child lives with honesty and fairness she learns what truth and justice are.
if a child lives with security she learns to have faith in herself and in those about her.
if a child lives with friendliness she learns that the world is a nice place in which to live.
If you live with serenity your child will live with peace of mind.
Monday, February 02, 2009
I was able to drive with the sun roof open and my windows down with the music pumpin'....It was great. Then it got cold and it's going to snow, I thought I moved away from that crap?
I think I start my tutoring tomorrow for a kid in Spanish. I'm trying to think of different ways for him to learn the stuff. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow. Right now I'm tired and proud of guys for the big win over 11th ranked Butler. Good Job Mike! There is hope that they might play in the Greensboro bracket for the big dance in march.
I think I start my tutoring tomorrow for a kid in Spanish. I'm trying to think of different ways for him to learn the stuff. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow. Right now I'm tired and proud of guys for the big win over 11th ranked Butler. Good Job Mike! There is hope that they might play in the Greensboro bracket for the big dance in march.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
You can find me in the wetlands
today I am another year older.
Do I feel another year older, not really. I still feel like that girl in high school. I know that I've grown in so many ways but I don't feel like I'm 23.
Most people forgot that it was my birthday today, that's what happens when you have your birthday on the super bowl. There is still 2 hours left central time we'll see what happens. I guess it just sucks that I've moved on and the people who I once were close to have as well. This moving on is without me. It hurts, a lot.
Today was an okay day. I woke up to balloons and a GPS present from my family. I didn't really want much attention to it. All it would do is bring attention to what I'm missing being down here. I'm trying to avoid those feelings. We ended up going to Macaroni Grill which was amazing food.
My parents and I went to a neighbors house for the Superbowl. It was a bunch of old people getting drunk off of wine (which I can't drink) and being crazy. Once I got home I guess it hit me that my life is nothing like it was in green bay and it won't be. I guess it'd be nice to have my birthday a few months from now when I'm not dealing with the loss of everything in a week. I'm going to crawl into a hole and try to sleep forever, or until 11:50 tomorrow when I have to post another blog. Then I'll go back into my hole.
Do I feel another year older, not really. I still feel like that girl in high school. I know that I've grown in so many ways but I don't feel like I'm 23.
Most people forgot that it was my birthday today, that's what happens when you have your birthday on the super bowl. There is still 2 hours left central time we'll see what happens. I guess it just sucks that I've moved on and the people who I once were close to have as well. This moving on is without me. It hurts, a lot.
Today was an okay day. I woke up to balloons and a GPS present from my family. I didn't really want much attention to it. All it would do is bring attention to what I'm missing being down here. I'm trying to avoid those feelings. We ended up going to Macaroni Grill which was amazing food.
My parents and I went to a neighbors house for the Superbowl. It was a bunch of old people getting drunk off of wine (which I can't drink) and being crazy. Once I got home I guess it hit me that my life is nothing like it was in green bay and it won't be. I guess it'd be nice to have my birthday a few months from now when I'm not dealing with the loss of everything in a week. I'm going to crawl into a hole and try to sleep forever, or until 11:50 tomorrow when I have to post another blog. Then I'll go back into my hole.
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