Awesomeness

A friend of mine just sent me this about how he feels about a girl he likes. It's amazing!! If I could find a guy that feels this towards me one that, man that'd be amazing. It gives me hope for me finding some guy out there that wants this....enjoy

I've watched her for the past three years and cherished every moment of it. Yes, even the times when I was dating Jessie...I know that sounds horrible, but honestly i would do anything to see this girl smile.

I want to be the guy who says, "yeah, you're hormones are crazy but I want you to know that I won't take advantage of that. I CAN wait for you."

I want to be the guy that wakes up next to her every morning to tell her she's beautiful when she thinks she looks like crap; not because I want her to feel better, but because I genuinely believe that she is.

I want to be the guy who is never too busy to drive across an entire state just to see her.

I want to be the guy that spends the night in the chair next to her hospital bed because she fell off the stage on her opening night and broke her ankle.

I want to be the guy that buys her flowers just because.

I want to be the guy that tells her I would die for her, because I really truly would.

I want to be the guy that tells her I would live for her, because I really truly would.

I want to be the guy who is willing to hang out with her and her girlfriends if she wants, and not be ashamed to tell my buddies that I can't go out with them because I'm having a girl's night in and I'm not whipped, I just love her.

I want to be the guy that's never afraid to cry in front of her, cause I want her to know that I'm vulnerable too. That I can be weak and that I do need her to go on.

I want to be the guy who she can always cry in front of, because she knows I'm never gonna view her as anything other than what she is: perfect

I want to be the guy who she holds hands with....and never wants to let go.

I want to be the guy who she kisses, means it with every bone in her body, and knows that I feel EXACTLY THE SAME WAY.

I want to be the guy she needs a hug from when she has a bad day.

I want to be the guy that hugs her for no apparent reason at all, except that I love her.

I want to be the guy who calls her to make sure she got home safe.

I want to be the guy who parks outside her house, tells her i love her and goodnight, wait for her to reach the door, and then call her to tell her i love her and goodnight one more time.

I want to be the guy that waits for hours on end just to see her for ten minutes.

I want to be the guy that she NEEDS to cuddle with to be happy.

i want to be the guy who tells her all my secrets. good and bad.

i want to be the guy who tries to show her how much i care through every word and every breath.

i want to be the guy who she looks at and thinks with hope in her heart, he is the one. cause that's how i think about her.

i want to be the guy that never laughs at her when she tells me her dreams, but does everything in my power possible to help her achieve those dreams.

i want to be the guy who walks to the car and opens the door for her, cause i want her to see that i really do respect her.

i want to be the guy that gave her my heart.

i want to be the guy that prays every night for her happiness, even if it means not being with me. and if it doesn't work out between us, i want to be the guy that's in the front row at her wedding wearing the biggest smile and clapping the loudest because my love is finally happy beyond all reason.

i want to be that guy. i want to be HER guy.

Friend ship...have you missed the boat?

So my trip to North Carolina was amazing. The Maroon 5 concert was even more amazing...more to come on that in a later blog. Tonight I have something to get off my mind. Oh and I haven't forgotten about my family

Right now on the top of my mind is friends. I reconnected with a friend recently. I'm struggling with this, to be honest. I'm not sure that I want to be friends with this person. I right now am at the point in my life that I need friends there for me and are worth investing time in. These friends are the ones who are willing to invest their own time in me. It's a two way street. Not someone who is going to take being friends with me lightly. This might be too much to ask from a person, but maybe it's not. I know that it's getting to the time in many of my friends lives where you have to actively try to be friends with someone. I have enough people who I just say hi to, I really don't need anymore. Maybe it's me, but I don't think I need another person in my life that I just say hi to. I want someone who cares enough to know how I really am doing, and ask because they want to know. I don't think I'm willing to invest time into something on the just hi level. Maybe this reconnection isn't right and I should have left it where it was....
Right now I'm happy with the people who love and care about me, I don't need another surface stuff friend. Maybe I should jump the ship on this one and swim for shore.

Life as a yellow pen

If I were a yellow pen life would suck because who uses a yellow pen....
Life was awesome today, yup it was great even with all the craptacular classes why...read the following and understand if you can.

• I got to talk to Leah finally after many failed attempts
• I got a B on the essay exam that I thought I failed (I also can take the next one if I want to get a better grade)
• It was my parents 25th wedding anniversary...big hand to them without that major point in their lives, I would be non-existent which would suck.
• I have come up with good code names the cowboy, the greek, and the geek.
  
• Food is always better when shared with another especially when the food can feed a small country in africa
• I made plans to go visit Mr. Feeney's in Minnesota and guess what I get to go to, my first college football game. Wisconsin vs. Minnesota who shall I cheer for??
• It's cold outside which means it's FALL yippeee
• Someone isn't dead and is back in my life. It just makes me smile
  
• Rooftop dancing might be a common thing in the 2nd floor of the house
  
• Speical K and I got to chat for a bit but it was disconnected and never reconnected but that's life
  
• I unexpectedly got to go on a dream quest and not only dream it but see it achieved all in the same night.....yes
  
• Can you name 5 characters of the office with the first and last names? I know someone who can and he's kind of cute, hehe
  
• The smile has returned on my face but do we know who the girl in the phone is??? It will be determined tomorrow (hopefully)
  
• I love my wall sharing roomie, it's a blast.
  
• Singing Butch Walker, Jon McLaughlin, Jason Mraz, Rooney and Maroon 5 enough said
  
• I tried the whole nun thing for about 5 seconds definitely not my thing. Check that one off the list.
  
• Blasting Maroon 5 while on the phone and going through a speed sign thing and talking to someone in the car is always fun...I highly recommend it.
  

that is all I'll get back to the family I promise I have 7 days to cover four more people no worries at all. Oh and HAPPY 25th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD!!! Love you lots!

****Please notice the break in story of my family and why they rock, life has sort of rocked my socks and is worth mentioning****

My friends from back home are great. They're the ones who have helped shape me to who I am and change me. They've been there through tough times and really great times. But it's the worst when you lose a friendship that you've invested not only time, I'm talking years wait almost a decade, but your heart as well. When I was little in kindergarten there was the troublesome three. It was Johnny, Mike, and I. I was one of the guys and it was constantly who was going to bike to whose house to play basketball, NFL blitz you name it. We even at one point calculated the best route to each house. Being that I was only 5 blocks away from both Mike and Johnny and the center point, it was usually my house we would end up at. We even got the hanging out timed for when we were in middle school and in many activities. Wednesday being the church day we didn't have any activities, the guys would get off the bus at my house and we'd play NFL blitz until we'd have to go to whatever church function was going on that night. It moved on into high school although we actually had a few bumps we at least tried to stay in contact. Johnny and Mike didn't hang out as much but I was still friends with both of them. Mike ran in to a tough situation around his senior year and being that we were best friends he ended up moving into my house. It was great like a slumber party every night and he moved up from the friend status to the brother status. He was someone who I depended on and counted on. For some reason there was a falling out and ending up being some very hard dislike towards each other. It sucked big time especially when it was the year in school that was supposed to be the best.

Fast forward to now. I've been thinking about writing to Mike for awhile now trying to just mend what was broken and make things better. Well for some reason something would stop me. But after doing a lot of soul searching and thinking about it I decided to send him a message. Just having closure and not expecting anything more. But for some reason life decided to have a message sent back. My thoughts on the friendship we had were confirmed. Knowing that you were there for someone and the one they counted on is great. Hearing an apology for the hurt and pain makes it better. Mike said it best, "We definately were really good friends and its too bad things ended the way they did. You don't need to appologize though. I don't think it was either of our faults. We both just forgot how to forgive." It brings a smile to my face just thinking about the rebuilding of a lost friendship with Mike. I may have missed out on 4 years of his life but who says you can't start it back up. I have a feeling this is going to be a good thing.

How to forgive, something I wouldn't have even considered. Maybe there needs to be more forgiveness in the world, I think it would be the one thing that could make the world a better place. I know it would help not only me but many other people out with their stresses and problems in life. I know it's hard to right away but once you give it a little time and forgive you're able to move on from the hurt and the pain. So starting right now I'm going to work on forgiving people for not only my faults but also theirs. Consider it my campaign for forgiveness.

Alright back to the family love next time, and Jay wants YOU to be ready for the action!

Ian the F'n genius

"After a girl is grown, her little brothers - now her protectors - seem like big brothers." ~Astrid Alauda

Since the countdown is now at 9 days till I get to fly south for winter (or at least 5 days) I've decided to write about how much each family member means the world to me. Today I've decided to work my way down the sibling tree....it's all about Ian today kids.

Ian is my little brother who I adore more than he knows. He's a genius, I'll be the first to admit it. I'm kind of jealous of it. He and I didn't get along when we were younger due to many factors, being 5 years apart, favoritism, and just different views. But as we both have gotten older and grown up we've gotten much closer. He still is a stubborn jerk at times on things but that's what is great about him. He lives in a black and white world when his sister is loving shades of gray. He helps me know when I'm being a complete idiot. Most recently with an ex of mine. Yes Ian you were right, I shouldn't even have thought about it. He used to be quiet but he's growing into his own voice. I usually have the come backs but man I obviously haven't been practicing like he has, some of them really get me, as much as I hate to admit it. He has had a really rough time since moving down to Greensboro and it breaks my heart to see him go through it. I know that it's only going to make him a better person in the long run but he doesn't see that right now. At least him and I have our secret spot that we can go to, just the two of us and try to enjoy the place he's gotten to hate.

Now time for me to brag about him...
Ian at 16 is already taking Chemistry, Calculus and Spanish at an actual college. His PSAT scores right now get him into Duke, yeah Duke the private school just down the road. His friends and him from kindergarten have created this RPG game (if I knew exactly what that was I could be more excited). This game has been getting a lot of hype on the internet and even has been invited to conferences in New York City where the big game people are like EA games and all those....if you're a gamer you know how huge this is. Ian has gone through a lot of tough things that nobody should go through ever in their lives. He's dealt with things at 5 years old that I wouldn't be able to handle, I have major respect for him. I can't explain how amazing he is. He is very creative and his writings, ideas, and drawings blow my mind each time I see them. Each day is something new and I can't believe the person he's growing into and can only imagine the effect he's going to have on the world. I've always said I can't wait for him to grow up and be able to talk about stuff together, well the time has come and I'm finally realizing it. Here's an insight to his genius factor written by himself...."I remember the idea not the hero because heroes fall but ideas never die."

I love Ian for many reason and it's awesome to know I've got a little big brother out there who has my back even if I'm not the brightest at times. The bond between us is amazing. I'm glad to call him not only my brother but my friend as well. He's one of the best a sister could get. I also am really hoping that genius part is somewhere in my mind buried deep. I love you Ian!!
Next installment will be about the next brother.....Jay Paul, here's a sneak preview of him and what's to come.




Be Prepared!!