beautifully broken

Nothing can explain how hurt I have been since saturday last week. I have been beaten down broken up sideways. My heart feels like it's been ripped out of my chest cut up into a million pieces and then stomped on until it was nothing. I have been purposefully hurt by a person who said they loved me. I don't understand this, how can you love me and hurt me like this and not even speak to me anymore. I just want to see him one last time to give him his stuff back, get mine back, end this whole thing, and have closure for myself. I really hope one day he'll allow this, if he cared for me one bit he would but it's not happening. I don't want to end this whole relationship over the internet or an e-mail, it'd be like the post-it note break up on sex and the city, and that is NOT happening. But I have to thank god that I've got friends who are there and supporting me through this especially cory and even Jared, I know suprising but it's a good thing to be on good terms with him again (at least I hope). I am way too compassionate for people and it has gotten to the point where I am constantly getting hurt. I don't understand why other people don't have a care in the world for another person's feelings at all! These songs show my emotions exactly. The first is by Snow Patrol You could be happy. Fits with johnnie perfectly. The second is making me love you by epic hero which shows how pissed off I am. I love epic hero and the song, it's definately helping me through. The lyrics are straight from the lead singer Justin my buddie to my inbox consider yourselves lucky to have these lyrics : ) But I don't know what else to say about this all, but someone please save me from myself.

You Could be Happy by Snow Patrol
You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played on lips 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you go
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

Making Me Love you by Epic Hero

And I’m tired of the mainstream
And I feel like an outcast
And I don’t fit inside your perfect beautiful routine
There’s a ghost in my closet
Caffeine in my bloodstream
My tell-tale heart don’t have a chance with you

You say what you say
But your mind’s made up
You lead me on and you know it
I play all your games
But I know the score
And I hate you for making me love you

There’s a word to describe this
Some might say that it’s hopeless
And I can’t help thinking you just hurt me out of boredom
I’m a pawn in your kingdom
Make your move, because I’m ready
I can feel you breathing, feel you turn inside my soul

You say what you say
But your mind’s made up
You lead me on and you know it
I play all your games
But I know the score
And I hate you for making me love you

There’s a fine line between
Comedy and tragedy, suffering and ecstasy
The truth just keeps marching on
Grabbing hold of all of me
I’m strung for all the world to see