I get by with a little help from my friends

"If that's all you will be, you'll be a waste of time, you've dreamed a thousand dreams none seem to stick in your mind, two points for honesty it must make you sad that nobody cares at all...Nobody cares at all, they never cared at all." ~Right before starting this blog, my itunes had this song pop up first on party shuffle. It fits the feelings I've been having recently pretty perfectly to a few people. Wow guster is a wonderful mind reader.


I don't know about this whole break thing, but I'm liking the fact of being lazy and sleeping whenever and where ever I want. It can be boring seeing the same thing over and over each day but I'll take that over doing work and school. I have been thinking a lot too, on things that have occurred in the past semester. I really am having a hard time with certain friendships that I have. I know what is wrong and I need to fix it but it's something that I can't really do on my own. I wish that people would think outside of themselves. I guess this is a hard thing for me to do being that I have been raised to think about people other than myself and how my actions really do affect not just me but other people. As my mom puts it the ripple effect. I had a great conversation with my mom tonight on things that were really bugging me. It definitely helped get out things that I couldn't bring up to other people, people who don't know the whole situation, my mom does. It was good to get an honest opinion. I know she's going to let me know if I'm just being crazy or not.

It ultimately comes down to that I'm in a different place in my life and when dealing with others who don't know what they want it just makes it worse for me. I need people around me who know what they want and are going for it, not people who are aimlessly wandering around in life hoping to get something out of it. I need a challenge where as right now I'm definitely not getting that. I'm getting sucked into the negative energy and it's really bringing me down, emotionally and physically. I can tell. But I'm not that kind of person to let it get to me, I'm going to stick up for what I believe is right and the truth, NO MATTER WHAT. I wish people around me knew who they were and didn't have to change who they are depending on the people around them. I know who I am and I'm not changing that I realize that I've done a lot of growing up very fast and to be real honest I'm happy I am where I am right now.

I hate fakeness, I really do. I hate the fact that two of my roomies call each other all the time and talk and I feel as though I'm left out. I have yet to receive any contact from them over break. I am nothing to them it seems, at least not in the friendship level. A funny thing is that less than 24 hours after one of them had left to go home for break the other one had to call and talk to her for a good half an hour. Seriously kids you haven't been gone from each other that long I think you'll be okay. I hate how they say that they really care when I know they don't. I know that most of the times the words they say are just that, words, they have no real intention of backing each other up. I don't get it why am I not the best friend, there is such thing as more than one best friend in your life. I'm pretty sure there have been a lot of times that I have been there for them and supported them like a best friend, but maybe that means nothing to them. I notice things, I notice a lot of things that most people don't. I notice the way that the two of them act together and then the way they act towards me and my other roomie. I feel a distance starting between us, and it's not going to be good. It's going to make me pull away and move on to bigger and better things and leave them behind. I guess it comes down to the fact that I see through they're fakeness.

Things I've learned over break are that your TRUE friends are always going to be there for you, even if you don't talk to them on the phone all the time. It was so awesome because the first day I was back here in E.C. I got to have a great conversation with my good buddy Tim. I really missed that kid and I hadn't really talked to him all that much during the semester just a minute or two. It was like we hadn't even spend a semester not talking it was like everything as it was back in the day. It's a good feeling know you'll always have certain people in your life have your back. Even thinking about it now gives a smile to my face. Also being back here with my girls, the girls in my life I can tell anything to just makes things so much better. I love those girls to death and I really can't imagine my life without them. They challenge me on everything, we challenge each other, and I know that no matter what we are always going to be like this. I really miss that connection I have with the girls in GB, I don't have that, because I know I'll get judged on the things I say or things that have happened. Being with the girls makes me think about things in my life, and relationships.



Climb up over the top and survey the state of the soul
You've got to find out for yourself whether or not you're truly trying
Why not give it a shot?
Shake it. Take control of it inevitably wind up
Find out for yourself all the strengths that you have inside of you...

Finals week could it be any better?

In the obvious reason of my post, avoiding my finals I'm giving you all the great chance of hearing the positive side of finals believe me they are good!

I know finals are already here and that today might make you dread the rest of the finals you have to come in the next 3 long and crucial days. But the most obvious reason of having finals is that once you are done, you never have to do that class again. No more Chem no more sociology and no more foundations of western culture (my personal hate). No you aren't going to fail the class so stop telling yourself this, you'll do just fine. Quit telling everyone that you are going to especially when the people in your class know you're going to throw off the whole curve. If you think about it finishing your final and handing it in is the perfect time for you to do something you normally wouldn't or couldn't have done. You could go up to your professor who you really weren't a fan of and dump your hot chocolate all over him and tell him how he was a douche bag for making you take that test the day after thanksgiving break. Can't do it? Then when you turn in the test say here's your answer key. Too weak in the knees still? If you're still too chicken shit to do that just say thanks professor I'm looking forward to your class in the spring. I personally would like to just kick my foundations professor in the junk and walk away but that might get me in jail...

The second best part of finals is that this is your time to finally ask out that guy or girl in your class that was the reason behind you going not because of the awesome lectures. Go ask that person out what are they going to do? Say no, you're never possibly going to see them again, no harm no foul. Take them out for a finals break drink or something sweet like that. And if all fails and she says no you've got all Christmas break to feel like a dumb ass.

In desperate times, calls for desperate measures. A way to help with you anxiety and sleep deprivation is a chemical boost. Some are better than others. Even I have resorted back to the good old days of drinking my pop and enjoying my caffeine boost for that hour and a half. That red bull is going to do you a hell of good if you can't stay awake to study your boring crap. Many say stay away from the alcohol this week but I say why not go for it. This quite possibly could lead to the other form of stress reliever, sexual activity. But don't go too overboard with this one it could cause many problems down the road. Hey maybe it could even be with that cute person from the class mentioned above.

Finally you can really take the challenge intellectually on finals week. Sure you haven't been to class since the first week and you got at D on your midterms....I don't care. You can learn the entire course with 3 dews and a full 24 hour cram before the test. Just think about this one, remember when you were a freshman and thought you had to go to every class. All the test prep you did was definitely less than 24 hours per class. That means for the rest of the time you did jack shit. So if you really are stuck in this situation you've got time. You can do it, but it might help if you have the notes from someone so you have some sort of idea.

So that's it guys remember study with a buddy if you can then if they are a hot buddy you can go relieve some of your other stresses. Just kidding I don't promote that kind of stuff. I just wrote this since my hand hurt from writing my stupid physics definitions. Remember Ben and jerry can be you best friend as well as chocolate. Sleep is always a good thing to but remember to set your alarm that would suck!


With all this being said enjoy the worst week of the semester, you'll make it through like the rest of us. Enjoy your break it's less than a week away!

I need my b-dubbs hos.

"someday I wish upon a star wake up where the clouds are far behind me where trouble melts like lemon drops."


It's been awhile...sorry. It's been busy around here trying to get everything done before finals next week. I'm definitely ready for my Christmas break. I need to get out of here and try to get things together. I'm definitely been struggling with my family moving and if I'm going with them or not. Savoy was talking to me about this and said what if I have done all the growing possible here in Green bay and this is your time to go out and grow some more. It was put so great. Then when talking about it with other people I was asked if I liked it here and of course I do, they then said don't go and fuck something up that you like for something you have no idea on how it'll be. The thing is I don't know what to do about the living situation. If I want to be an RA, live on campus with the girls again, or off campus with god knows who. I really don't want to live on campus during the year and I need to find a place to stay here during the summer. I could go and live with the girls rotating houses each week back in eau Claire but I couldn't do that to them and their families. I guess I just need a sign for me to either stay or go and I wish that sign would be here right now....

I need to have a good weekend or I'm not going to be a happy camper. I need to go out on a good note or making me come back isn't going to be that fun. I'm really wishing I had my girls back home here with me, they'd know what to do with everything going on in my life. I really have started to miss them. So I'm going to listen to my e.c. girls jams and hope everything will be okay....I'll see them soon.

The party in your pants

"She is the prom queen i'm in the marching band, she is a cheerleader, im sitting in the stands, she gets the top bunk i'm sleepin' on the floor, she's miss america and i'm just the girl next door."~Saving Jane

Since I'm too lazy to recap this weekend, it definately had it's ups and downs. over all though it was a pretty sweet time and I enjoyed myself. I need more weekends where I'm having the time of my life, it makes my decision to stay here easier than if I were to leave.

Today when I was at the nic I was talking about North Carolina and my good friend Katelyn had no idea about me moving (I forget who I tell and who I don't tell...) I told her the options that I had and that it looks like I'm almost for sure not going to be here next year. She almost started to cry which shocked me. My friggin' roomies haven't even cried or acted sad, the ones who I thought cared about me the most. Which made me feel like this wasn't going to be as hard as I thought just leaving everything behind. But Katelyn this girl who I barely see and only talk to over the internet when I have time was about to cry. It shows how much of an impact you really have on people even if you don't think that you do. It really made me feel loved. It made my day better so I owe one to Katelyn, Thank you dear.

I need sleep and i've got two tests to deal with tomorrow wish me luck...

Granola and physics

"A long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everbody is crazy."~charles manson


Stupid people piss me off, enough said no excuses. Today during my hour and a half physic lecture I was sitting by myself like I normally do. I don't know or have gotten to know anyone that I sit by. I do know a few people from my discussion group but other than that during lecture I'm on my own, I like it that way. Well I sit near the back in a class of about 80 students, there is this one group of people who sit right in front of me every day. There is this girl from russia, and her boyfriend (that's a whole other story right there) this kenyan and two friends. Well everyday they walk into class a half an hour late, which makes me mad. Okay yeah here's where you think i'm a nerd and love school, that's not the case but when it's everyday why not take the class at a diffrent time, it's not that hard to wake up at 9:15 to get to your 9:30 class. Believe me I know I have to be at an 8 am class right before I can do it, they definately can. but back to my story. The one kenyan girl is the only one that makes it on time to the class normally with her plastic bag from walmart full of chicken wings wrapped in tinfoil and some other nasty shit normal people wouldn't eat. She saves 5 spots for her friends that come in late. The class gets pretty full and saving those seats gets pretty annoying to everyone else when they would like a place to sit other than the floor.

Once they all get in and settled, they think they are god's gift to physics and know everything and we should be worshiping them because they are the best. They make it verbally known too. They make tons of noise talking to each other during the class about things I don't care about. Except when by the rare chance they don't know what's going on they happen ask questions. No big deal right? Not this case they ask every possible thing about they're problem to get what they want done. Which takes another good 15 minutes out of a class. I hate that, ask her after class or go to her office hours that would be nice. But here's the kicker folks...

On Tuesday I was opening up my breakfast granola bar not making much noise what the professer was talking, the kenyan looks around to find the noise and then comes to look me directly in my eye and says SHHHHHHHHH. A harsh shhhh not a quiet dainty hurry up and open it shhh a SHHHHH. Like I was interuppting her learning process of stuff she already knows. She's the one with the shit wrapped in tinfoil, like that doesn't make a noise when she opens it. She then says to me, "Maybe you should wait to open the rest till after class." What did I do? I kept opening and eating it, and then guess what else i did. I grabbed another one of my granola bars and opened it as loud as possible just to piss her off.

So the moral of the story here is that if you always should have a back up granola bar to open up as loud as you can just to piss off a bitch in your physics lecture.