To love love

I got back to playing the piano today. It felt good to play and just let things out. Right now my accomplishment is dreaming with a broken heart by John Mayer and Falling Slowly from Once. It is something that I need to bring back in my life, it brings me tranquility and peace for those few moments I'm playing the keys.

So I have been thinking.
Recently I let myself feel again. Legitimately feel what it is like to feel in love, and the feeling of wanting , no needing to be loved back. And for a few short hours I had that, again. It was like I snapped my fingers and there was somebody to love and to love me back and then I opened my eyes and it was over. Which is fine.
I think that I was given those few hours with my walls down to realize the reason that I fell in love with love in the first place.
And to forget the reasons to be jealous, because that is not something I believe in anymore.
for the longest time we are taught that jealousy is natural- but it is not. We are told when to feel jealous and we are told how to be jealous. I hate it. I hate that feeling - it IS unnatural to me. so I threw it out the window. along with bitterness and loathing and being that scorned female and using it to my advantage.
And I have never felt better about it.
So what I can conclude from this ramble of worthless words is that there is no point to feel upset about what has passed- because it has passed. And I should not let what has passed evoke a feeling of loathing towards relationships in the future. Love is it for me. Its what I am here to understand, to know. And I feel lucky to have realized that. I will no longer let others determine how I feel, or let them influence the way I feel.

There is a feeling of regret , however, for loves past.
Not that I regret it ever happening, but just that I regret that I had to learn these lessons through them. I wish I would have learned these lessons before, and been able to execute this new found way upon those people. I am saddened that I was never given the chance. But that's destiny for ya.

so I guess what I am trying to say, is take a look at your relationship ( if you are in one ) and / or your potential relationships. don't let being mad, or being jealous, or being resentful ruin what you could have. fight for your love if it is something you know you cannot forget at the drop of a hat - because those are important to hold on to. let your positive feelings flow and let your negative ones go , honestly. you will experience a love and a relationship so pure - just pure happiness, the way it is supposed to be.
learn from my mistakes - and forgive. forget. trust. love.
& let your life and relationship be yours, no one Else's. concentrate on what you feel - not what others are telling you to feel.