Heart of Life

"I hate to see you cry, lying there in that position, there are things you need to hear, so turn off your tears and listen. Pain throws your heart on the ground love turns the whole thing around, no it won't go all the way it should, but I know the heart of life is good."~John Mayer

Have you ever had that feeling of wonderment. Not just the wondering of what am I going to do today, I wonder if my paper really will be the shit I thought it was, stuff like that. I mean REAL wonderment. I had one of these moments yesterday...I was walking along and it just hit me. I've been struggling with life recently, more now so being that I came back from spring break not wanting to even be in this state. I have felt like there is no one out there for me to just call and say I need you here by my side just to let me know it's okay. I know I have these friends but too much of the time these feelings of hating the world and wanting to just say screw everything comes at times when I'm in a place I refer to as hell where I live and I'm by myself. Random tangent but it call comes back in a circle now back to my wonderment.

I was walking back to my car from an amazing night and all of a sudden it hit me, what would happen if I did get hit by that car and died. Who would really be there help who would ACTUALLY care. Not this bull shit of I knew her and we were friends she'll be missed to just because you feel obligated. I want to know about the people who would deep down be heart broken because they lost someone significant in their life. Really then it comes down to the it's been over 3 months and people have grown and move on, they still think of me and miss me. That kind of caring. No I'm not suicidal at all but I just wonder about things like that, who have I really impacted in my life and who is the ones who I can count on.

Now onto my current love....Thunderstorms and rain, it's so refreshing. Maybe it's the idea that this life we live in is so much bigger than we ever will figure out. The awesome power of the thunder or the awesomeness of lightening. Maybe it's the washing away of everything starting fresh. It's just the best thing ahhh...(good thing I'm on a laptop)
Love number two which I'm experiencing right now is the music of open mic and the amazing mike casey. Love it, ahhhhhhmazing we have yet to get together to work on me performing curbside prophet with him. Eventually we'll get it. Mike is kick butt hopefully we can become better friends and I can actually get to him more than just surface stuff because he seems like such an interesting person. Which gets into my goal for this semester....

Get to know people more than just the "surface stuff" get to know them in a deep personal how is your life really going and really care. I just want them to know how much I really care for them. So let me dig deep, life's a garden dig it : p

For next time I need to talk about some people and their views of how they live their life...

Love for those with none or need it
Aubs