Heart of Life

"I hate to see you cry, lying there in that position, there are things you need to hear, so turn off your tears and listen. Pain throws your heart on the ground love turns the whole thing around, no it won't go all the way it should, but I know the heart of life is good."~John Mayer

Have you ever had that feeling of wonderment. Not just the wondering of what am I going to do today, I wonder if my paper really will be the shit I thought it was, stuff like that. I mean REAL wonderment. I had one of these moments yesterday...I was walking along and it just hit me. I've been struggling with life recently, more now so being that I came back from spring break not wanting to even be in this state. I have felt like there is no one out there for me to just call and say I need you here by my side just to let me know it's okay. I know I have these friends but too much of the time these feelings of hating the world and wanting to just say screw everything comes at times when I'm in a place I refer to as hell where I live and I'm by myself. Random tangent but it call comes back in a circle now back to my wonderment.

I was walking back to my car from an amazing night and all of a sudden it hit me, what would happen if I did get hit by that car and died. Who would really be there help who would ACTUALLY care. Not this bull shit of I knew her and we were friends she'll be missed to just because you feel obligated. I want to know about the people who would deep down be heart broken because they lost someone significant in their life. Really then it comes down to the it's been over 3 months and people have grown and move on, they still think of me and miss me. That kind of caring. No I'm not suicidal at all but I just wonder about things like that, who have I really impacted in my life and who is the ones who I can count on.

Now onto my current love....Thunderstorms and rain, it's so refreshing. Maybe it's the idea that this life we live in is so much bigger than we ever will figure out. The awesome power of the thunder or the awesomeness of lightening. Maybe it's the washing away of everything starting fresh. It's just the best thing ahhh...(good thing I'm on a laptop)
Love number two which I'm experiencing right now is the music of open mic and the amazing mike casey. Love it, ahhhhhhmazing we have yet to get together to work on me performing curbside prophet with him. Eventually we'll get it. Mike is kick butt hopefully we can become better friends and I can actually get to him more than just surface stuff because he seems like such an interesting person. Which gets into my goal for this semester....

Get to know people more than just the "surface stuff" get to know them in a deep personal how is your life really going and really care. I just want them to know how much I really care for them. So let me dig deep, life's a garden dig it : p

For next time I need to talk about some people and their views of how they live their life...

Love for those with none or need it
Aubs

It won't be soon before long...

It's been announced!!! FINALLY after loving this band for over 6 years now Maroon 5 has a release date for their album. The first single is it makes me wonder. I got to hear a clip of it from MTV news, and let me tell you it's a pretty dancing beat. Adam looks so HOT! (sorry little teenager moment there) I got chosen to go to LA to see them perform but it doesn't look like it's going to happen right now due to money and timing conflicts, oh well at least I have concerts that I was promised to go to later on this year. So here's the track listing and you better be out there on the 22nd to buy their album!

Track listing is as follows:
If I Never See Your Face Again
Makes Me Wonder
Little Of Your Time
Wake Up Call
Won’t Go Home Without You
Nothing Lasts Forever
Can’t Stop
Goodnight, Goodnight
Not Falling Apart
Kiwi
Better That We Break
Back At Your Door

Come on how would you not love these guys....

WAHOOOOOOOOOO

Love is a marathon

"As you think, you travel, and as you love, you attract. You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you." James Lane Allen

I don't know what to do. I'm in a world of confusion, questions, reasons, and answers about things in my life. I have this pressure from my parents to be done in four years at school and not to be a double major, when I really want to. I get the questions on what can you do with that if you don't go to grad school? Do you want to go to grad school? If so where? Which major would you go to grad school for? Have you started looking for internships? How about a job? AHHHHHHHH my head can't take all these questions I don't have answers to right now. I just want to get through this slow and steady, there is no way I am going to be able to be done in 2 more semesters, NO WAY. I'm going to have to go another year just to get my gen ed's done. I want to not think about it, can I hire someone else to do it for me???

Then the questions about life, grades, guys I've possibly been seeing, jobs, living arrangements next year are asked. I don't know what my grades are being that my teachers suck at letting us know these things. Guys are jerks I've given up and don't think I'm ever going to find the guy that's meant for me. I have applied for jobs, but I've already gotten a no from one. my living arrangements are on the rocks, I don't know where but at least I have a roommate right now. is it bad that I just want to get away from everyone and everything and just start all over and fresh. Not having any baggage from my past that gets involved with my future. No pre-set judgements due to what they've heard, think, or has happened. I need a sign that what I'm doing right now with my life is the right thing, because I don't know what would be for me One sign it's all I ask of. maybe I'll just run off and travel the world, nobody's rules to follow but my own. Maybe I'll just drop out of school take a break and come live at home and go to UNCG, that's the closest thing to starting over I can get to.....

Help anybody??

What I'm doing

So I have decided that I want to go over to Africa and coach soccer to kids and educate them on HIV and AIDs. Now if only I could come up with over a thousand dollars and money for the flights I'll be set. I guess a girl can dream can't she?