Thoughts

::when a chance at love arises- do not pass it up. the fear of heart break is a minor character in the play of love. and the pain that fuels the fear is only a measure of the purity and validity of the love itself.
::one best friend. true friend. means more than a multitude of followers. find someone rare, that makes you question society and the world and ask questions like " why is this " and "why is that". find that - and hold on for dear life.
::people don't know whats best for them. period. so don't tell them! regardless of the knowledge you posses on the given subject - stop. they need to be self taught. we all are self taught.
::true love does not alter. but you can move on, and you can have more than one true love. that's the beauty in it.
::count your winnings ( don't dwell on the losses ) and walk. don't look back. don't let the past even five minutes have the potential to ruin your present and future.
::society's rules are only upheld in that given society. the world if full of people and societies that will accept and appreciate your supposed " social awkwardness" , and irrational way of life.
::don't let others ruin your own life experiences. they are yours to judge and cherish as you please. don't let somebody take that away from you.
::keep learning. Loneliness is not a problem when you are nose deep in a book / invested in learning.
::if you lie, make it right. whether it be telling the truth in the end, or justifying the lie.
::the truth causes more problems, dually noted, fully experienced- yes. but the reputation of being truthfully blunt means more in the end.
::if you begin to doubt a relationship with someone, and they continue to make you doubt it - drop it. maybe for a couple days, maybe for a year - get a clear head and think about what that person means. and just hope you mean enough for them to change.
::don't let someone else determine your feelings towards them or anyone / anything else. that's your right.
::trust.
::sometimes you need to be the person that is going to stay and help out somebody who keeps repeating their mistakes. All anybody needs is the feeling that there will always be someone to go to , no matter what, and that can make anybody change their ways.
::take into account peoples past experiences when passing judgment. there is something to be said for chosen ignorance , and lack of opportunity or experience. there is no need to punish somebody who truly does not know better... teach them.
::the longest answer on a multiple choice test is always the correct answer. who would take the time to write that whole long answer if it isn't correct ?
::positive thinking can not only make you feel better, but make others feel better as well. all anybody needs is a little ray of hope - so give that to them.
::every person is fighting their own kind of battle - take that into account when confronting them.

It's a great evening when you can rock out to Jack's Mannequin with the windows rolled down and the sun roof open. Gosh Andrew McMahon can write songs that just speak volumes of what is on my mind. I don't even know where to begin. I love the first album and loved the second album just as much. Today was busy but tomorrow should be nice, a few hours at work, kick around with a friend, dinner with family and newly added family, and maybe some karaoke action...who knows it's all one day at time.

And my friend calls me up
She says, "How have you been?"
I say, "Dear I've been well
Yeah the money's come in
But I miss you like hell

I need something to believe in
A breath from the breathing
So write it down,
I don't think that I'll close my eyes
'Cause lately I'm not dreaming
So what's the point in sleeping?
It's just that at night I've got nowhere to hide

My feet hurt. Work is taking up my life. I need to go to bed because I have to be up at 9 to leave tomorrow for work. I am too tired to pay attention to my life. I didn't even get to celebrate Jay's birthday with the family, sad day.

What is the truth? Who knows what the truth is? Can you trust someone who already has proven untrustworthy or trust someone who you know hasn't lied to you.....the predicaments in life. Jay's birthday is tomorrow, that is what the day will be dedicated to...wahoo littlest brothers turning old. It makes you realize how much older you're becoming, yikes!!

I am tired

it's not what I thought it really was.....

So I haven't had the time to really sit down and blog recently. I've been on the go and not getting as much sleep as I need. I busted my elbow pretty hard core last night and think something is wrong with it. I believe that everything happens for a reason. It's not just happenstance that things occur. Last night my mom was meant to be out with us, she saved a guy from killing himself by just being there to listen and talk with him. Sometimes we don't know why or how we are making a difference in others lives but we are, you are, and I am. I have met some pretty awesome people recently two that I adore. They are some of the most down to earth amazingly nice guys I have met. I'm tired and crashing hard tonight.....tomorrow another long day but at least there will be coffee and miniature golf involved.

So another late night with the friend Brian and the new loves of my life Philip and Eric. It's time to go to bed I didn't sleep well last night. Work from 930 to 6 tomorrow, argh!

This is a song for every girl who's
Ever been through something she thought she couldn't make it through
I sing these words because
I was that girl too
Wanting something better than this
But who do I turn to

Now we're moving from the darkness into the light
This is the defining moment of our lives

'Cause you're beautiful like a flower
More valuable than a diamond
You are powerful like a fire
You can heal the world with your mind

There is nothing in the world that you cannot do
When you believe in you, who are beautiful
Yeah, you, who are brilliant
Yeah, you, who are powerful
Yeah, you, who are resilient

This is a song for every girl who
Feels like she is not special
'Cause she don't look like a supermodel Coke bottle
The next time the radio tells you to shake your moneymaker
Shake your head and tell them, tell them you're a leader

Now we're moving from the darkness into the light
This is the defining moment of our lives

'Cause you're beautiful like a flower
More valuable than a diamond
You are powerful like a fire
You can heal the world with your mind

There is nothing in the world that you cannot do
When you believe in you, who are beautiful
Yeah, you, who are brilliant
Yeah, you, who are powerful
Yeah, you, who are resilient

Yeah, you, who are beautiful
Yeah, you, who are brilliant
Yeah, you, who are powerful
Yeah, you, who are resilient

Yeah, you, this song is for you
Yeah, you, this song is for you
Yeah, you, this song is for you
Yeah, you, yeah, you
You are brilliant

The Ghost of Nich's Past???

So is honesty the best policy?? I told the truth tonight and it wasn't taken well by the other person. I guess it's hard when you have to build those friendships you've had forever from scratch. People here don't know my story or my life before here. Most don't even know why I do the things I do, but those back in cheese land do. I just don't feel like explaining it all again. Also my friends in Wisconsin have been there by my side through this, not just hearing about it. We've made it through the good and the bad together. My old friends have asked those questions about me and my life and listened. I just don't want things to become a one way street, friendships don't last that way. So this is my question for you, can you speak about what is on my heart???

*No one can know just how she feels. She won't use the phone, she's too tired to pick it up. She's going back to the old way.*

I have been going way too much.....I have to get more rest or life won't be fun. Allergies suck too...gross!! I'm going back to sleep and working 9 hours tomorrow...shoot me now.

blah

It was 80 degrees and sunny outside. It was wonderful. It was so hot in my car that the case of a cd that I had gotten melted. I got an AMAZING care package from Tara. It was wonderful. I really miss those who I love back home. She wrote an amazing letter to me. I really should go read it now, it's been a great night but not the greatest ending. I'll write more about that later maybe?

i am tired and it's late....boo to opening the store tomorrow.

TOMS!

Check out the video below....very important stuff going on that you can help with. (I went barefoot when I could, then again I'm not a big shoe fan anyways.) Again not in the blogging mood. Things I will discuss at a later post....why not wisconsin, meat head idiots, life and yeah...Much love and peace to you all.

Sunscreen

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY TARA!!!!
Life has been crazy the past 24 hours. A family friend has committed suicide. It's not something that anyone should have to go through. I am trying to do my best to help in any way possible. So I'm not really in the mood for blogging tonight. So this is what I'm going to leave you with.

Everybody is Free To Wear Sunscreen by Baz Luhrman
Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis or reliable then my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice....now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind, you won't understand the power and
beauty of your youth until they've faded, but trust me in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of
yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind: the kind that blindsides you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts; don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive; forget the insults. (if you succeed in doing this, tell me how).

Keep your old love letters; throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives; some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of Calcium. Be kind to your knees -- you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40; maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body: use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it; it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance...even if you have no where to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions (even if you don't follow them).

Do not read beauty magazines; they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents; you never know when they'll be gone for good.Be nice to your siblings: they're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in
the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but what a precious few should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps and geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old; and when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse, but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you are 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia; dispensing it is a way of wishing the past from the disposal--wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me, on the sunscreen.

I think there is a power outage on the blogger web and I don't know what to do about certain emails....

Meet Some of My Favs...

This blog is for the wonderful friends that I have. Those who have been there for me through a lot and have stuck by my side. I love them a lot. Here are just a few....

Meet Matt, he and I actually were set up by my mom way back in the day. Ever since then he's been like my big brother and has become part of the family. He makes sure everything is okay and that I'm only getting the best out of life. I'm so proud of him and his little girl Addy Bella. I'm glad to be an Aunt : ) I like the random texts I get from him "I miss you babe" When I told him about my green bay trip he said, "Are you okay? You deserve someone great. The right person will come along. With patience comes perfection." What's not to love about a guy who I can beat in NFL Blitz, party like a rockstar with, love the packers with, and have a meaningful conversation. I'm super pumped for the wedding in August!!

Person number two of importance to know....Miss Tara!!! (It's like tar-A...kind of like the tar heels but with an added a) now that it's clarified onto the girl. I'm not sure how we met but I think it was randomly one night at open mic maybe? Well we've become friends and bonded over a lot of stuff. This is my creative artistic awesomely cool friend. She reminds me to be a kid at heart and to live life to the fullest. Recently she's been very wonderful listener to my problems. I'm super appreciative for it. I miss her tons and love her lots. I'm really proud for her choice to go to New York for the summer. I really think it's going to give her the chance to grow into something even more amazing then what she already is! Oh and it just happens to be her birthday soon....so HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

My newest friend in my life who is great and crazy all wrapped into one person is this guy...Brian.
He has become one of my best friends down here, and we hang out all the time. He's always on the go and I'm so not. We balance each other out. He may call me horrible names at times, but I know he does it out of love. I'm so happy that I have found him down here, we were meant to be friends. He's a dork but I still love him. Even if he does want to stay up all night and then hits my bed and passes out while I'm wide awake. Saying right as he passes out cold..."I love you but I don't think you love me." He can sing amazingly well, and plays tennis like a pro. He's just a blast to be around, love love love him.

There are so many more but I'm getting really sleepy. Just because you weren't mentioned doesn't mean I don't love you or think you're the bee's knees, I promise. These three are the ones that have been impacting my life the most recently. Hopefully they won't mind the pictures I put up....I guess I should have warned them first, oh well Surprise! Peace and Love to you.

Not much for a week in review so I'm just going to blog for today...sorry for the fans of the week in review.

Today was Easter, the and Easter bunny made it's appearance here at the house. Yes we still have to believe in the stupid thing because of the littlest brother I have. I really think he says he believes in all these things, because he's afraid of not getting any presents. Also we had eggs that were filled with confetti. This became very hazardous to all of our lives...well not really. see the pictures.

So overall it was a great time with the family, it was good to enjoy each others company. I did however have a downfall to the day. I thought I was going over to a friends house later, and since it was with their family I made a pie as a gift. Well I never got the phone call after dinner like he said he would, so I waited....and waited...and waited. I figured he had got caught up in family stuff but a quick phone call or text would be nice. I guess that's one the things in life that bothers me. If you say you are going to do something, do it. I understand things come up but common respect and courtesy by letting a person know you can't do it. What can you do but be the best rate version of yourself? How do you know when a friendship is not a two way street like it should be? I'm not a fan of the whole one sided friendships but realizing that without getting hurt is hard to do. What do you do when it's one sided, say screw it and move on or actually say something about it? Something I need to think a bout for awhile....

Man this economy sucks

Yes it is true. I'm not sure what to call whatever economic situation we are in right now, but it is not fun. This morning it really came to hit me in the face at our all team meeting at the big blue box. This morning we found out that we went from 9 supervisors and at least 12 seniors down to just two supervisors. So those who once were getting paid to do their job now aren't receiving that pay anymore. You know it's a bad situation when your GM puts up the number for HR to help you with the process. Families are affected by this and so is the rest of the store.

Every person on the sales floor has to pro certified in almost every area of the store. So instead of having a set department you're all over the store. So I'll break it down for you this way. Let's say you have Joe who works in the cameras. Does his job and sells what he needs to and does it amazingly well. Now he has to learn how to step into every OTHER department in the store and sell just as well as he did in the cameras. That is a scary thing. Now in the world of best buy there is not as much room for promotions and credit to be given to those who are doing above and beyond their job title. Alright enough about work.

It was an okay day, sometimes you just wondering what's going on inside another person's head. I wish i could turn that off and on. It would be a great thing to have. I also wish I could make people realize that certain things are genetically imprinted on us and we have no control over it. I also wish I had the power to make a person happy with whatever they are facing in life. Sometimes I just need to curl up in my bed and cuddle with someone. Cuddling seems to make everything better. I miss having my sidekick puppy dog Lucy laying in bed with me, I should work on that....

7 am morning meetings suck....i wish I didn't have to get up so early to just go to a meeting...boo

I'm tired, have a headache, don't feel well, and not really sure what else I am.....but I do know this, I have a passed out friend next to me and I should sleep it's 3:15 in the morning.

So I'm going to go dig a hole and get lost in the wetlands for awhile....it seems to be what the world is telling me what to do. What a great start to my "weekend"

Was I wrong?

"I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to live like I know what I'm leaving
I want to know that my heart's still beating..."-Switchfoot

***For those who read that last blog, the last paragraph about Brian is a complete joke. I put it in there for him and him only to get. I really don't think he's an ass (most of the time) and love him lots. I have found a wonderful friend down here and love that fact.***

Today has been an off day. On my way to work I got an extra mocha at Starbucks, you'd think that this would be the start of a wonderful day....not the case. I dealt with a situation with my best friend back in Green Bay. I responded what was on my heart and what I believe, I was sticking up for her because that's what friends do. I think it might have made her mad and now she isn't talking to me. I really hope this isn't forever, I was just doing this as protecting and looking out for the best of her. Wow it would suck if I lost another tie to Green Bay, maybe it's just a sign??

Work went okay very slow though. Thank God for my Dad and bringing me lunch or I would have died before I left. I'm not a fan of opening the store, I like to sleep in. After work I came home to find out my mom had taken over my laptop and computer. I went to the potluck dinner with my small group girls. It was great to talk to Rachael. I really needed Brian to be here, but he's in Wilmington for the night. GOSH DARN IT!!! I need to talk to him about all of this. Grrrr. Tomorrow will hopefully be better, I need sleep. Tomorrow is church and friends after work I am excited, it will make it a better day : )

UNC!

I am getting sleepy. Tonight the tar heels won the national championship. I went to a sports bar with a friend and experienced the crazy fans they have here in north carolina. It was like watching a packer game. I totally get why people act the way they do about sports. People live eat and breathe for this stuff. But maybe there should be something else we should focus on?? I know what that is but I'm not sure the general public does.

I find it weird that whenever I go out with Brian I am always eating something and he is sitting there watching me. It's happened the past two nights, it's kind of weird. I have to open the big blue box tomorrow and don't get a lunch it kind of sucks big time. Oh well maybe I'll have the pops bring me lunch he is only a few blocks away.

Oh and Brian is an ass. Yup I'm really not sure why I am friends with him? He thought I wore sweat pants out each time we went to the bars and hung out. Anyone who knows me knows this is NOT the case. He wouldn't give in to the fact that he is wrong! I doubt he'll even care about me saying this, if he reads this at all. : p

What a difference a week can make!

I've been slacking on the week in review my look back at e-mails, phone calls, text messages, comments, etc. Sorry about that, it's what happens when you're super busy. It was a crazy day at work and BEAUTIFUL outside. I was wishing I was outside instead of inside the big blue box. I had a nice dinner date with one of my favs in the 'boro, Brian tonight. It was good to catch up on life (even though we had seen each other 2 days ago) and down a giant bowl of pasta. (I was hungry I hadn't eaten all day...) Over all today was a great day.
On to my giant review....

*My trip to Green Bay was a bunch of awesomeness with a sprinkle of sadness. I had a great time hanging out with Jess. I miss her so much and was so happy to see her running to tackle hug me at the airport.

*Every second with Jess was amazing and I am so proud of her now that she has decided what to do with her life. I expect a road trip this summer from you. Gosh I miss her super duper tons!

*There were so many inside jokes that come from the weekend and I don't know if I could list them all. To sum it up it's ridiculousness.

*Justin thinks he's a dime piece and gave a wonderful gift to a lonely island. HAHA

*Shamrock shakes should be mandatory in every 50 states. I missed them. You just can't make anything like a shamrock shake except for the real thing.

*Culver's is amazing....but what is even better is listening to those that sit having a very loud conversation.

*The mission of the weekend to discover what "holla back" meant...we do know that you don't want to be a "holla back girl" at least if Gwen Stefani is correct in her song.

*Danceworks was worth the trip just to see Mike dance because as much as it hurts me to admit it, he does have some moves.

*Giving flowers to a guy is worth the 8.99 that you pay for it. The face is priceless.

*I figured out that my feelings him I had before are not there anymore. I was hurt at the beginning, I'm not going to lie, I cried. But after a good night's sleep I knew I was making the right choice. Sunday was just the nail in the coffin. I know he's going to be my life forever, but just as an amazing friend. I'm thankful for that : )

*I got to see my love Tara!!!! She gave me so much inspiration to do what I'm doing with my life. She is such an amazing person and a free spirit, it makes me smile. I am so happy I am friends with her. Maybe that move to Minneapolis might just happen, I think it would be super fun! I miss her

*I have become best friends with Brian in over a week. I am so happy to have him in my life. He makes me experience new things, like going to a gay bar. I had so much fun!!!

*I love getting emails from friends back home that just give me that little boost in confidence. It's something we all want and deserve.

*Every once in awhile you just need a mellow night with your family.

*Allergies suck, they suck big time!

*I don't think about you like I did before the trip, it's so cool knowing I'm okay with everything.

*Green Bay is not my home anymore, it was really hard to come to this fact. I know that there is something bigger and better for me here in the 'boro. I know now that this place is my home. (Yes another reason for the tears during the trip)

Over all it has been an amazing 2 weeks. A lot of self discovery and learning but it's good. I'm happy to be growing and where I am in life. I wish I could just take those that I love from Green Bay and plant them here in Greensboro, then it would be a perfect world. It's a great night, I think I might just go and look at the stars for awhile....that's always calming and fun. Life might not be the party we hoped for but while we are here we might as well dance.

Full bloom

I think I'm going to throw a dance party in my room. Nobody but me dancing I think it's going to be fun. I'm not sure what to write tonight. I'm kind of not feeling the greatest. I'm starting to come down with allergies. I've never really experienced spring in full bloom like it is down here. I might need to start taking claritin or something....booo

Humm....

Last night I went downtown with Brian. It was fun but I knew he wasn't having fun. I felt bad because I don't know people out like I did in Green Bay. It's hard to go up to someone you don't know and be like "hey let's be friends." This is especially hard when dealing with the bar scene. These people just look at you like you're drunk and turn away. I am slowly finding my place here in the 'boro. I like it I know that this is where I am supposed to be.

Ever since I have come home I have been hitting the ground running. Working or hanging out with friends or sleeping. I haven't really been around my family. Tonight I just needed to do that. I've missed them. It was a good dinner and movie with the fam. I liked it. Back to working a lot tomorrow, boo.

So it's a little past the midnight deadline but this is my blog for the day. Screw you I'm not in a caring mood.

yummmm....

I love my friends they are the best. I really like hanging out with Brian, he's super duper fun. I'm really glad I have found him here in Greensboro, it makes this place not suck as much. I also love Tara she's kind of cool. She sent me a very sweet and kind email today it made me smile and tear up a little bit. I'll give you a little bit of it..."you are one of a kind and simply wonderful

my mom saw the card out and she read it too- she was like "This girl is one of the most genuine people ever! I can see why you like her so much! You should be soooo happy to have someone like her in youre life!" hehe and i am!"

Tara is amazing and she's doing and going to do great things for this world....I know it!

Cupid Shuffle?

I think tonight was the most fun I have had in Greensboro since I have moved down here. I had a blast with Brian. He's kind of a big deal you should check him out. But i'm tired and my phone wouldn't let me blog yesterday from the airport sorry.....I need sleep I work at 11 and it's almost 3 whew!