I'm venting and I don't care who reads this....

I'm stealing this idea from Kelley, it's something that I have been feeling and hassling with a lot recently....

I thought that college was the time in your life where you are supposed to find your best friends who are going to be with you for the rest of your life. The ones you can see being there for your wedding, being there through the highs AND the lows. Who understand you completely and things just click. The pictures taken that are set in history showing the love everyone has for each other with that flash of the light bulb. The ones you know you are able to hang out with on the weekends without calling because your friends and you know it's going to be the best time when you are all together.

Where is it?

I've been searching but I seem to be lost at sea. Instead of making it there I think the directions got mixed up, definate wrong turn off of I-94. I seem to be trying so hard and get nothing in return...I'm putting myself out there to be let down.

My heart can't take the heart break and pain anymore...

I wonder if my friends really do care about me like they say they do. If so where are they? A phone call would be nice. Where is that best friend that I can go to with anything and not worry about being judged. I see these other groups of friends that I know who have this bond, intentional, care for each other, and spend time togetherness thing. I feel like I am outside of the store window in the cold looking in on something I'm desperatly wanting but seems impossible to attain. Like an amazing expensive dress, or those perfect shoes.

I need friends who are going to conciously love me....NO MATTER WHAT without me even having to think twice about it or asking for that love.

Don't get me wrong have GREAT friends but at times it seems I'm the only one putting the effort forward or I'm all alone in the world. And why am I friends with all the guys, are there no girls out there who care to be my friend? Again I love all my guy friends they're some of the best guy friends a girl could have but sometimes boys don't understand. Why?

This heart of mine is breaking into a million pieces and I'm not sure it's able to be put back together any time soon.

F**K!!!!

I'm so confused with everything going on in my life. I really can't write much about it on here because I'll never stop. Just know if you happen to talk to me my mind is going in 50,000 diffrent directions. And Boys they just make everything else that much more confusing, Ahhh. Oh by the way my 21st birthday is fast approaching and all I want is an acoustic guitar, that is it. So if anything get a little group together and all chip in to get one and I'd love you all forever. That's all, except for this, my mind on one of the current things running through my head.

I think about how it might have been
We'd spend out days travelin'
It's not that I don't understand you
It's not that I don't want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
And we can hang out heads down
As we skip the goodbyes
And you can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there

I'll buy a magazine searching for your face
From coast to coast, or whatever I find my place
I'll track you on the radios, and
I'll sign your list in a different name
But as close as I come to you
It's not the same

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
And say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there

So, steal the show, and do your best
To cover the tracks that I have left
I wish you well and hope you find
Whatever you're looking for
The way I might've changed my mind,
But you only showed me the door

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
And say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I, you and I know the reason why

You are brighter than the fireworks that paint the sky at midnight

Not much to say but happy new year gang.. I got this off of a very awesome charity called To Write Love on Her Arms. It's an amazing place, check it out. What he wrote couldn't describe what I wanted to say any better, Enjoy.

Something happens at midnight. Or something is supposed to, right?

I think the big idea is change. The thing we want to believe is that things can change, things can be new, that at midnight it might be possible to leave some things behind. Start over. Hope. New.

I know it isn't simple, that we live with broken stuff that doesn't just vanish with the stroke of a clock. I know we need more than a moment. But I like that the world celebrates this moment. I believe that right now, millions of people are also celebrating hope. Some don't even realize it but they are smiling at the possibility that 2007 can be the best year of their life.

I have tasted a few different versions of New Year's. I have known it laughing with friends. I have known it alone with pain.

But changes come. I just want to say that wherever you're at tonight, or when you read this, right now... that there is hope. That you are loved. That you are not alone. That 2007 can be the best year of your life. That the world is broken and scary but it's also huge and beautiful and all of that means endless possibilities, endless opportunities. You were made with a purpose. You are a part of a bigger story of hope and change and you have a part to play.

You are brighter than the fireworks that paint the sky at midnight. You matter even more.


From "Long December" by the Counting Crows:
A long December and there's reason to believe,
maybe this year will be better than the last.

From "New Year's Day" by U2:
Say it's true, it's true... And we can break through.
Though torn in two, we can be one.
I, I will begin again. I, I will begin again.