"By the time I recognize this moment this moment will be gone, but i will be the light pretendin' that it somehow lingered on..."~John Mayer
So it is a friday night and about 10:45 and I'm bored out of my mind. You would think that I would be out having fun and partying the night away....nope not tonight. I've had a little too much of that recently and in a strange way am enjoying the time by myself. So I am a terrible person. I can't keep my promises and should be shot. there is a friend of mine who I was planning on going to go shopping with today after classes. I was really tired and came back and fell asleep and totally spaced the whole thing. Well I got a hold of him later and he said that's cool and maybe go tomorrow instead. Well I was down with that but then I thought I'd be up for going around 5ish. Comes to find out I pass out again on my comfy bed till around 6. My friends had made plans and being that I have the only car out of the group I was forced to go with them. What sucked is that I left poor A.J. and stood him up. I felt horrible, I invited him to come along but here are his exact words ," Well I don't have money to go out to eat and don't really want to hang out with all those other people I like YOU. So I guess i'll stay here." it breaks my heart to hear this. I felt like the size of a pea and feel super bad. I owe him huge. And to make things better going out tonight for dinner wasn't that great at all anyways. BLAH i should have just ditched them and stuck with my plans...GRRRR!! stupid me. So AJ buddy if you are reading this I am truly sorry and feel so bad, I'll make it up to you some how some day, and remember I heart you !!!!!
So nothing other than that to really write about. I'm kind of have a problem with people who are close to me in my life right now. I've made it through harder times than this. So i'll be okay, I kind of miss my guys and gals back home who love me. I'm feeling like this my friends back home all loved each other without thinking about it or feeling like we had to. How we cared about everything that was going on in each others lives without even thinking or feeling like we were forced to ask. I miss all the hugs and the love we all had for each other radiating. you don't get that here. At times i guess I feel alone in a world when there are people all around me. don't get me wrong i have people here who are like that but it's totally diffrent. I can't just climb into one of my girl friends bed and lay there and cuddle when I'm having a horrible day. When back at home my friends would know right away if I was having a bad day and with in a split second I would have a huge hug hopeing to make things better. Maybe it's my fault that I am able to put on a mask at times to make people believe that I am okay when really I am not. Maybe I should stop trying to be the happy person all the time and actually let people know when I'm having a rough time. But that's not me...I guess I'll keep doing what I'm doing. Summer is almost here so that might make things a lot better!
No comments:
Post a Comment