Sunday, April 30, 2006
It's always you and my big dreams
I don't know how to put this all into words, except that life sucks. It's getting to me that I'm losing my family for good. Nothing is going to be the way it is right now. I feel like things keep getting worse and as much as I try to make it better it doesn't help. I'm depressed and really just want to crawl in a hole and break down from everything going on in my life. I'm losing the most important thing in my whole life and I don't know if I am going to be able to survive it. I feel trapt here and unable to do anything about it. I feel like I am putting on a smile to make everyone else happy when really I should be focusing on myself, but I can't do that. I need to stop thinking about all of this but it won't happen. Nobody will ever understand what I am going through so I am alone in this pain.....
Sunday, April 16, 2006
If home is where your heart is.. I'm losing my heart one piece at a time
"A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it."~ George Moore
Listen to Styrofoam by Daniel Powter...(great song, and is my mood right now)
This weekend was the last time I would travel to Eau Claire home for the weekend in college. It was sad weekend really, as much as I tried to make it a happy one. The trip to the E.C. was a tough one trying not to think that making this trip back and fourth wouldn't be done next year. Friday was good seeing everyone I did during an Easter dinner at Cheryl's house. It was kind of ruined later when my mom mentioned that I needed to take stuff off of my walls for when she shows the house. I guess it gives the buyer the idea of them living there make it look like nobody lives there as much as possible. This was pretty tough, especially taking down all my posters and things on my wall that made my room MY room. I left a few things up for me to take down before I left on sunday so it didn't look as bare as it would have.
Saturday was spent shopping for easter things as well as watching Ian play his tennis match. he definately isn;t like me. I hate losing and he kind of just gave up after his first game thinking that there was no point in going on or trying. It made me mad but what can you do? I crashed on the couch at 8 and slept through dying eggs and everything that night, and woke up at 9 am sunday morning, I think I might have been tired.
Easter was nice and all that but weird knowing it would be the last one in my house I've grown up in and known almost all my life. I later started to go into my room taking down all my posters leaving my walls essentially bare, that was tough, I almost broke down but it hasn't really hit me offically yet. It will and I'm trying to prepare myself as well as I can for it. I don't think anything I can do to prepare will help though. I even took down almost all my glow in the dark stars that were on my walls, which was sad. My mom even came up to box things up from my desk like my million trophies and metals that were going to go to be stored in North Carolina. My desk that once was full of things that were memorable to me in my life was almost completely empty... Now I currently have tons of posters, glow in the dark stars, and pictures just chillin' in the trunk of my car in the parking lot. I'm not sure I want to drop it off to the house yet, it might make it more final then I want to think it is.
This was only part one of the sadness of this weekend. I also had the job of saying goodbye to my puppy lily. my family decided that they couldn't take care of her anymore and that she was being super mean to my dog Sally. Sally came first she's the important one. So Lily is going to the pound on tuesday and I had to say goodbye. It sucks because I feel like we failed Lily and are giving up and hopefully someone will be happy with her but I really loved that puppy of mine. So thats where the tears really came but I guess it's the best for both us and lily to have a family that has time to take care of her. So that is my depressing weekend, hopefully things will get better this week but it doesn't look like it with a major term project and two major tests that happen this week... Life is what you make it I guess.
Listen to Styrofoam by Daniel Powter...(great song, and is my mood right now)
This weekend was the last time I would travel to Eau Claire home for the weekend in college. It was sad weekend really, as much as I tried to make it a happy one. The trip to the E.C. was a tough one trying not to think that making this trip back and fourth wouldn't be done next year. Friday was good seeing everyone I did during an Easter dinner at Cheryl's house. It was kind of ruined later when my mom mentioned that I needed to take stuff off of my walls for when she shows the house. I guess it gives the buyer the idea of them living there make it look like nobody lives there as much as possible. This was pretty tough, especially taking down all my posters and things on my wall that made my room MY room. I left a few things up for me to take down before I left on sunday so it didn't look as bare as it would have.
Saturday was spent shopping for easter things as well as watching Ian play his tennis match. he definately isn;t like me. I hate losing and he kind of just gave up after his first game thinking that there was no point in going on or trying. It made me mad but what can you do? I crashed on the couch at 8 and slept through dying eggs and everything that night, and woke up at 9 am sunday morning, I think I might have been tired.
Easter was nice and all that but weird knowing it would be the last one in my house I've grown up in and known almost all my life. I later started to go into my room taking down all my posters leaving my walls essentially bare, that was tough, I almost broke down but it hasn't really hit me offically yet. It will and I'm trying to prepare myself as well as I can for it. I don't think anything I can do to prepare will help though. I even took down almost all my glow in the dark stars that were on my walls, which was sad. My mom even came up to box things up from my desk like my million trophies and metals that were going to go to be stored in North Carolina. My desk that once was full of things that were memorable to me in my life was almost completely empty... Now I currently have tons of posters, glow in the dark stars, and pictures just chillin' in the trunk of my car in the parking lot. I'm not sure I want to drop it off to the house yet, it might make it more final then I want to think it is.
This was only part one of the sadness of this weekend. I also had the job of saying goodbye to my puppy lily. my family decided that they couldn't take care of her anymore and that she was being super mean to my dog Sally. Sally came first she's the important one. So Lily is going to the pound on tuesday and I had to say goodbye. It sucks because I feel like we failed Lily and are giving up and hopefully someone will be happy with her but I really loved that puppy of mine. So thats where the tears really came but I guess it's the best for both us and lily to have a family that has time to take care of her. So that is my depressing weekend, hopefully things will get better this week but it doesn't look like it with a major term project and two major tests that happen this week... Life is what you make it I guess.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Wham Bam Thank You....
It is right now 7:05 in the am and I have finally returned home for the night. Yes tonight had it's twists and turns but most of all I enjoyed myself. I went to a dumb party but it was okay but then I went and hung out with a new friend (I think, or hope) of mine. We chilled watched movies and all that jazz. We also got to talking, and talking, and wait some more talking. I learned a lot about this kid who I wrote off as some cocky ass hole who really wasn't worth getting to know. I was wrong, first impressions are hard to break. Tonight was one of those nights that first impressions were broken. I was completely wrong in what I thought and really the kid is total opposite than that... It was awesome talking to him and getting to know him better. It was such an awesome talk that I wish we could have more of them. Maybe one day but right now I am starting to feel tired as hell. So lesson for tonight kids is don't always stick with your first impressions people may pleasantly surprise you.
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