"This place is a prison and these people aren't your friends. I know there's a big world out there like the one I saw on the screen. In my living room late last night, It was almost too bright to see. And I know that it's not a party if it happens every night." ~The Postal Service
Done, is this what you wanted all along?
When you try to turn all the negative into a positive, you can't do it anymore and it eventually sucks you in.
I just want to yell....
It's like I'm paranoid looking over my back.
I get the reason why the little big one listens to this music now, makes sense
SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU.
One step closer to the edge and I'm about to.
72, 1928 and a million reason why to leave now
You made the choices to do what you're doing. Don't complain
choices you make lead to consequences. All you are doing is going to fail and get a MRS degree.
All of you.
I know what I want do you?
Just ask don't go around it, they always FIND OUT!
Two words: SUCK UP
You are no better than the scum you came from and lived in
7 weeks to the day was a good streak, but everything must come to an end.
This is one of them
Crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal
I love desserts with loved ones
I love my loved ones
I love too much and it kills me each time
False hope of caring always is worse than the hope.
I want to be in a state of bliss, but will I ever get that?
I love my lily vanilly and my sally o'mally if only they could be here right now.
Finally I love my mom she's the bestest ever!
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
I'm feelin' more alone than I ever have before...
"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances."~Martha Washington
"Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be. And if you give a damn, take me baby or leave me." ~Rent
As I currently write this there is a pow-wow going on in the next room. Why I am not there? Because I don't want to deal with things. I have been replaced and it's slowly starting to work it's way into my life by the others I live with. It's depressing, knowing that you're replaceable. I don't want to hear about the plans, especially when you are told there's no reason for you to even be there, that hurt a lot. The giggling, the laughs, and the remeniscing is stabbing me slowly each and every time. I can't get away from it. The worst part is that the girl who is moving in with them is not like them at all. It was one of the girl's roomies last year and they didn't get along, why do it again? It's not like I had much of a choice in the whole situation. Maybe it's a wink saying that it's the right thing to be doing. I'm lost, hurt, maybe even jealous, and down to the last bit of nothing, next thing that comes along is going to crush me. Maybe I'll just avoid going over there next year, it's going to be weird, who knows, but this sucks. Adios kids, I'm sure you'll find someone else to replace me as well....
"Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be. And if you give a damn, take me baby or leave me." ~Rent
As I currently write this there is a pow-wow going on in the next room. Why I am not there? Because I don't want to deal with things. I have been replaced and it's slowly starting to work it's way into my life by the others I live with. It's depressing, knowing that you're replaceable. I don't want to hear about the plans, especially when you are told there's no reason for you to even be there, that hurt a lot. The giggling, the laughs, and the remeniscing is stabbing me slowly each and every time. I can't get away from it. The worst part is that the girl who is moving in with them is not like them at all. It was one of the girl's roomies last year and they didn't get along, why do it again? It's not like I had much of a choice in the whole situation. Maybe it's a wink saying that it's the right thing to be doing. I'm lost, hurt, maybe even jealous, and down to the last bit of nothing, next thing that comes along is going to crush me. Maybe I'll just avoid going over there next year, it's going to be weird, who knows, but this sucks. Adios kids, I'm sure you'll find someone else to replace me as well....
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Yesterday Afternoon I had a conversation with my friend Travis who is over in Iraq. After we talked it has been something I can't get out of my head. I definitely could tell that Travis is having a hard time over there. I can tell that he has definitely changed, I'm not sure for good or bad. I do know that he's coming home soon, so hopefully I'll be able to go see him and all that jazz. I thought that Trav was over there flying spy planes in some warehouse not worrying about a thing or being in danger. Boy was I wrong. When the planes crash they have to go get them as well as make runs to get parts for their planes. He also is in a place that is heavily occupied with insurgents still.
Studlyskier: i've shot almost 900 rounds here
Studlyskier: like, shot at someone/somethinmg
I asked him if he had killed anyone, he took awhile to answer and said yeah a few. I have so much respect for him it's crazy, I never could be in the position that he is in. I feel for him.
I can tell being over there has taken a toll on him mentally. All I can do is just pray that he'll make it home safe and in one piece.
Wow okay next one isn't going to be depressing I promise....
Studlyskier: i've shot almost 900 rounds here
Studlyskier: like, shot at someone/somethinmg
I asked him if he had killed anyone, he took awhile to answer and said yeah a few. I have so much respect for him it's crazy, I never could be in the position that he is in. I feel for him.
I can tell being over there has taken a toll on him mentally. All I can do is just pray that he'll make it home safe and in one piece.
Wow okay next one isn't going to be depressing I promise....
Sunday, February 12, 2006
isn't it weird
"So shine the light on all of your friends."
"It's your god forsaken right to be loved, loved loved." ~Jason Mraz
This weekend was a very nice relaxing weekend, that was much needed. I got to come home and be with my family and enjoy eau claire. It was nice to sleep with my mom. I just finished a book called God winks, and to be quite honest, it was amazing. I don't even know how to relate everything that was brought up to what is going on with my life now. This weekend was definately interesting though to say the least, things that happened definately wasn't what I was expecting. I guess maybe that's why it's this crazy thing we call life and we all have no idea except for the big guy upstairs. I'm going to go finish my laundry and stuff and then I'm heading back to green bay to start the massive studying for my abnormal psych and physics tests on thursday. Good news is that I don't have geography at all this next week how sweet is that!?!
party on kids
"It's your god forsaken right to be loved, loved loved." ~Jason Mraz
This weekend was a very nice relaxing weekend, that was much needed. I got to come home and be with my family and enjoy eau claire. It was nice to sleep with my mom. I just finished a book called God winks, and to be quite honest, it was amazing. I don't even know how to relate everything that was brought up to what is going on with my life now. This weekend was definately interesting though to say the least, things that happened definately wasn't what I was expecting. I guess maybe that's why it's this crazy thing we call life and we all have no idea except for the big guy upstairs. I'm going to go finish my laundry and stuff and then I'm heading back to green bay to start the massive studying for my abnormal psych and physics tests on thursday. Good news is that I don't have geography at all this next week how sweet is that!?!
party on kids
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Why is the ultimate answer?
"Today was a day just like any other."~Jack's Mannequin
I really have been questioning everything recently that has been going on with my life and the people around me. Like why am I really even doing this school thing? what if there is more for me out there. Why don't I just go and do volunteer work over in africa to help the poor starving children? Why did I decide to stay here while my family is moving to Greensboro? Why is it that valentine's day is for showing your expressions of love, but really just make those without a special someone feel that much more lonely? Why does time go so fast when you need it and so slow when you just want it to be the certain time? How can you only have one soulmate out there in the world? Is mine out there? What if I have already met my soulmate and lost my chance? What happens if I never find my soul mate, will I constantly be questioning if there is someone better out there than the one guy i'm with? When is late too late? What if I want the love of my life now, but ultimately it's not going to come? Why do most of the time we get what we want but not what we need? What happens if the world was to end tomorrow what would we all do? Why does life almost always revolve around night and day? What if I want to go to bed at 5 pm and wake up at 3 am and go to school? You name it I've been questioning it. Maybe it's a phase I'm going through right now...hopefully it'll pass oh and the ultimate question is WHY DOES MY IPOD ALWAYS BREAK??? Can apple actually make a dependable ipod for once that doesn't go to crap?
If any of you have answers to these questions feel free to shoot me an e-mail or a comment.
Peace out shorty
I really have been questioning everything recently that has been going on with my life and the people around me. Like why am I really even doing this school thing? what if there is more for me out there. Why don't I just go and do volunteer work over in africa to help the poor starving children? Why did I decide to stay here while my family is moving to Greensboro? Why is it that valentine's day is for showing your expressions of love, but really just make those without a special someone feel that much more lonely? Why does time go so fast when you need it and so slow when you just want it to be the certain time? How can you only have one soulmate out there in the world? Is mine out there? What if I have already met my soulmate and lost my chance? What happens if I never find my soul mate, will I constantly be questioning if there is someone better out there than the one guy i'm with? When is late too late? What if I want the love of my life now, but ultimately it's not going to come? Why do most of the time we get what we want but not what we need? What happens if the world was to end tomorrow what would we all do? Why does life almost always revolve around night and day? What if I want to go to bed at 5 pm and wake up at 3 am and go to school? You name it I've been questioning it. Maybe it's a phase I'm going through right now...hopefully it'll pass oh and the ultimate question is WHY DOES MY IPOD ALWAYS BREAK??? Can apple actually make a dependable ipod for once that doesn't go to crap?
If any of you have answers to these questions feel free to shoot me an e-mail or a comment.
Peace out shorty
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Insert your own birthday idea here...
"Just think in ten years we are going to be married and poppin' out kids." ~Erica Teclaw
Yes today is my birthday and I am moving out of my teenage years and into my adulthood, scary!! So when I woke up today I thought that I would have this feeling of being older, but really it's just another day. Why are birthday's such a big deal?? I'm going to get the most I can out of this one, because turning 20 isn't all that great. today is my longest day every for classes so i'm already going to be cranky. Hopefully things will be better and today will be a good day....oh the power of the mornings. I'll update you more on the day later. Oh yeah and putz has made it his mission to give me 20 birthday spankings, he's already gotten me once. He doesn't realize that I am going to be putting up one hell of a fight!!
peace out homies!
Yes today is my birthday and I am moving out of my teenage years and into my adulthood, scary!! So when I woke up today I thought that I would have this feeling of being older, but really it's just another day. Why are birthday's such a big deal?? I'm going to get the most I can out of this one, because turning 20 isn't all that great. today is my longest day every for classes so i'm already going to be cranky. Hopefully things will be better and today will be a good day....oh the power of the mornings. I'll update you more on the day later. Oh yeah and putz has made it his mission to give me 20 birthday spankings, he's already gotten me once. He doesn't realize that I am going to be putting up one hell of a fight!!
peace out homies!
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